Well, so far this fasting thing is going well!
I haven't had any soda, and my nerves seemed to calm down tremendously (which was a huge relief after feeling like I was developing ADHD minus the attention deficit part!)
If you'd like to follow along with me, my devotion today was Proverbs 1:1-19 and I will be finishing up chapter 1 in the morning!
It really took a lot for me not to buy some article of clothing today while I was out running my various errands, but I didn't, so I felt mildly triumphant!
and with the food, I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF! as we are all fully aware, today is Halloween, which means LOADS of candy. I had a few pieces, but I didn't just continuously eat it all day, and for the most part my choices were healthy! :) That in itself feels like a milestone!
I began my morning with a bowl of honey bunches of oats and my bible :) When I decided to start this journey, God really laid it on my heart to begin reading Proverbs. For those of you who don't know, Proverbs was largely written by Solomon, who is said to be the wisest man to ever walk the Earth, meaning that there should be a lot of wisdom burried in that book.
And I intend to find it.
This was my favorite verse from my devotion today:
Let the wise listen and add to their learning, let the discerning get guidance, for understanding proverbs and parables, the sayings and riddles of the wise. (Proverbs 1:5-6)
I like it because in a way it feels like a prologue to this new chapter of my life, and offers instruction to submerse myself in the word, and learn from it, to hold on to it always!
So here we go!
With Love,
Lacy Brianne
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
One of Fourty Days of Focus
So short blog tonight, because I really need to try and get some sleep! But this week has been slightly momentous so far, so I had to share.
Back in early September, I joined a group known as Chi Alpha. It's kind of a youth group for college students, but that barely scratches the surface of describing the impact it has on your walk with God. Anyways, I'm part of this group now, and yesterday our oh so fearless leader announced that he and the d-group (small bible study groups) leaders were fasting, in some way shape or form over the next fourty days. And he encouraged us to join.
So I was thinking what all I could cut out of my life, that I don't need or that hiders my relationship with my Lord, and I decided on 3 things
1) Soda - specifically Mtn Dew, because for whatever reason I happy to love the stuff. However, it is EXTREMELY unhealthy for you, so I decided to cut it out.
2) Clothes - okay not all clothes, because we must wear them! But since this summer I have developed a very unhealthy obsession for shopping. I have a walk-in closet FULL of clothes (as in if I am being really lazy, I don't have to wash a single shirt for over four weeks if I change 2-3 times a day...I'm telling you it's bad. But I have vowed to not buy a single article of clothing for myself (unless it is an emergency) for the next fourty days.
3) Food - now I am by no means cutting food out of my life, but I have decided to eat healthier (yogurt instead of pudding; more fruits and veggies; etc.) , and eat less, instead of stuffing myself in the typical American fashion.
Let me just take a second to tell you how Day 1 went:
I found out that having absolutely no caffine makes me beyond hyper. That is like the complete opposite effect that it is supposed to have. I literally could not sit still today. My fingers were drumming on something or my leg was bouncing up and down. I'd start talking, and wouldn't shut up. This was so uncharacteristic of me because I have beyond normal self-control when it comes to my behavior, but I was just crazy all day today.
I actually payed attention to the amount times "Oh I need to go buy this" went through my head today, and while I don't have an exact number for you, after really seeing it, I was quite appalled at myself. This materialism that I have slipped into is filling my life up with unnecessary junk. I don't need half of the things I own. Heck, I don't even really use half of the things I own, so I am even more solidly resolved in my promise than I was before.
Dinner: I ate healthy. I had a salad and a crab cake, and LOVED it. However, I didn't stop when I was full and I ate the entire gargantuan salad, and the whole jumbo crab cake, and had an awful stomachache for the rest of the night. Those foods should not have hurt me as bad as they did, so I think God was kinda pointing out, "Look, we are gonna do this together, and I am going to help you, but you gotta listen to me and your body when we say 'Stop eating, you are full'."
I have also decided that as I go through this, I am going to read through the book of Proverbs as I eat my breakfast in the morning. I really need to start focusing my life better. I need to put my thoughts where they should be, and start my days off the right way.
So, that was a little longer than short, but all-in-all I feel like today was very successful (despite the fact that I have this weird hyperactivity thing going on, but I'm sure we will get that worked out). It was full of discovery, and acknowlegement, and I look forward to what tomorrow brings!
Love,
Lacy Brianne
Back in early September, I joined a group known as Chi Alpha. It's kind of a youth group for college students, but that barely scratches the surface of describing the impact it has on your walk with God. Anyways, I'm part of this group now, and yesterday our oh so fearless leader announced that he and the d-group (small bible study groups) leaders were fasting, in some way shape or form over the next fourty days. And he encouraged us to join.
So I was thinking what all I could cut out of my life, that I don't need or that hiders my relationship with my Lord, and I decided on 3 things
1) Soda - specifically Mtn Dew, because for whatever reason I happy to love the stuff. However, it is EXTREMELY unhealthy for you, so I decided to cut it out.
2) Clothes - okay not all clothes, because we must wear them! But since this summer I have developed a very unhealthy obsession for shopping. I have a walk-in closet FULL of clothes (as in if I am being really lazy, I don't have to wash a single shirt for over four weeks if I change 2-3 times a day...I'm telling you it's bad. But I have vowed to not buy a single article of clothing for myself (unless it is an emergency) for the next fourty days.
3) Food - now I am by no means cutting food out of my life, but I have decided to eat healthier (yogurt instead of pudding; more fruits and veggies; etc.) , and eat less, instead of stuffing myself in the typical American fashion.
Let me just take a second to tell you how Day 1 went:
I found out that having absolutely no caffine makes me beyond hyper. That is like the complete opposite effect that it is supposed to have. I literally could not sit still today. My fingers were drumming on something or my leg was bouncing up and down. I'd start talking, and wouldn't shut up. This was so uncharacteristic of me because I have beyond normal self-control when it comes to my behavior, but I was just crazy all day today.
I actually payed attention to the amount times "Oh I need to go buy this" went through my head today, and while I don't have an exact number for you, after really seeing it, I was quite appalled at myself. This materialism that I have slipped into is filling my life up with unnecessary junk. I don't need half of the things I own. Heck, I don't even really use half of the things I own, so I am even more solidly resolved in my promise than I was before.
Dinner: I ate healthy. I had a salad and a crab cake, and LOVED it. However, I didn't stop when I was full and I ate the entire gargantuan salad, and the whole jumbo crab cake, and had an awful stomachache for the rest of the night. Those foods should not have hurt me as bad as they did, so I think God was kinda pointing out, "Look, we are gonna do this together, and I am going to help you, but you gotta listen to me and your body when we say 'Stop eating, you are full'."
I have also decided that as I go through this, I am going to read through the book of Proverbs as I eat my breakfast in the morning. I really need to start focusing my life better. I need to put my thoughts where they should be, and start my days off the right way.
So, that was a little longer than short, but all-in-all I feel like today was very successful (despite the fact that I have this weird hyperactivity thing going on, but I'm sure we will get that worked out). It was full of discovery, and acknowlegement, and I look forward to what tomorrow brings!
Love,
Lacy Brianne
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
More Beautiful You
Little girl, fouteen, flippin' through a magazine
says she wants to look that way.
but her hair isn't straight, her body isn't fake
and she has always felt overweight.
little girl, fourteen, I wish that you could see
that beauty is within your heart.
you were made with such care;
your skin, your body, and your hair
are perfect just the way they are
There could never be a more beautiful you.
Don't buy the lies, disguises and
hoops they make you jump through.
You were made to fill a purpose,
that only You could do. there could never be
a more beautiful you.
Little girl, twenty-one, the things that you've already done
anything to get ahead.
You say you've got a man, but he's got another plan
only wants what you'll do instead.
Well little girl, twenty-one,
you never thought this day would come;
starve yourself to play the part.
But I can promise you, there is a man who's love is true
who will treat you like the jewel you are.
There could never be a more beautiful you.
Don't buy the lies, disguises and
hoops they make you jump through.
You were made to fill a purpose,
that only You could do. there could never be
a more beautiful you.
I heard this song on the radio tonight on my way home, and although I've loved it since I first heard it over a year ago, it finally struck me how closely those words parallel my life. (If you didn't actually read it, I challenge you to. It'll take you all of thirty seconds.)
You see when I was fourteen, I battled anorexia. Well to be honest, I didn't battle it at all; I welcomed it. I felt vibrant, and clean, and as backward as it sounds, healthy. I had always had self image isssues. I saw myself as a very large girl, and so I wore clothes that were way too big for me when I was younger. I was always telling myself, if only I could be skinny.
Then, of course there was the catalyst. My best friend got very sick, and physically couldn't eat, so she dropped to 98 lbs and I hated myself for being so much bigger than her. I loathed myself. So I stopped eating. I had everything counted out, how many calories are in an apple? 127. A banana? 85. A peice of chocolate? at least 210. Those are just the ones I remember right off the top of my head.
The most disturbing? 1 granola bar: 90 calories 2 sicks of gum: 10 calories.
My total intake every day. For several weeks.
And this was on top of intense cheer workouts and practices, and running to relieve some stress.
Then, I was pulled out of it by my amazing Jesus through a dear friend. Because He loves me. Because He made me; exactly the way he wanted me to be. He created this body I am in and he treasures it. He thinks its perfect.
It stays with you though. The hurt. The self hatred. The guilt for eating. I still fight it, on almost a daily basis. The difference is, I'm fighting. and I refuse to give up.
So let's focus on the second verse of that song. Boys. Boys who pretend to be men, but boys, nonetheless. You see, I have dated so many of them, which makes me sound like a floosy, but it's the honest truth. Summed up by Ren MacCormack from Footloose (2011), I've been kissed a lot. It's not something I'm proud of, but there you go.
and yet, through all those bad relationships; all the times I have been abused, all the times I have been raked over the coals, used and tossed, broken and left to die, I made it out stronger. Because, yet again, my Jesus is there. Drawing me closer toward "my true love" everyday through Himself. That in itself is such a beautiful prospect.
So let me just close with this...the end of this beautiful song. The part that offers up hope; that shows us, no matter what you've done, you're not too far gone. He can always bring you back, and though you have experienced trouble, he can give you renewed innocence despite that experience. He will always love you.
So turn around, you're not too fat
to back away, be who you are.
to change your path; go another way
It's not too late, you can be saved.
If you feel depressed, with past regrets
Those shameful nights, hope to forget
can disappear.
They can all be washed away.
By the ONE who's strong, can right all your wrongs.
He'll rid your fears, dry all your tears.
and change the way you look at this big world.
He can take your dark, distorted view,
and with his Light he'll show you truth.
and again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl.
There could never be a more beautiful You.
Enjoy your morning, afternoon, evening, whenever you happen to be reading this. Hold His promised in your heart.
In Love,
Lacy Brianne
Song credit: More Beautiful You; Jonny Diaz
Friday, October 12, 2012
My little Lexi
There are things in life that I do not understand, and one of these things that puzzles me to death is how siblings become astranged. I don't understand it. The bond between brothers and sisters it that that should rival all.
I will be the first to tell you that at times my three siblings have pushed me almost past the point of sanity, but that doesn't mean I love them any less.
We have had our fair share of fights and agrguments...let me give you some highlights. When we were young, Lexi and I got into a fist fight. Yes, my sweet little sister, and sweet little me, threw man punches right into each others faces. When mom saw us however, she was not all for the "let them duke it out approach like she would have been if we were boys, but instead hill-billy handcuffed (a.k.a. duct-taped) our wrists together (My right to her left since she is right handed and I am left; with washrags to keep it from sticking to and hurting our skin) and made us clean and do yard work as a team.
Of course we were both still angry with one another, so we did the classic pull-in-opposite-directions-until-we-both-fall-on-our-butts move. When we finally came to terms with the fact that we had to work together, it really strengthened our relationship. We didn't have another real fight until my junior year of high school.
We went to a very tiny high school, and were both lucky enough to be in the "popular crowd." I was pulled in my freshman year, being deemed the "token freshman" by some of the senior basketball players, and was sweet and loveable, and didn't have to put forth much effort to stay in the top crowd. When my junior year rolled around and my baby sister was going to be a freshman, I was beyond excited at the prospect of bringing her in with me.
Unfortunately, at the time, Lexi had it in her head that you had to be really mean and rude and walk on people to stay where you wanted to be, and long story short, she called me a b**** in front of a bunch of people. Of course this spread like wildfire, and we took the argument home, screaming and yelling for a good 10 minutes back and forth in front of our parents, bawling and lashing out. This is the only time I actually remember our parents letting us yell at each other. When I couldn't take anymore, I lowered my voice, and used silky words to cut her straight to the bone, then turned and walked into my room.
Our parents, being the incredible parents that they are took us to opposite floors of the house, Mom with Lexi and Daddy with me; to talk to us. When we had cooled down enough to be in the same room, my dad looked each of us in the eye and told me something I will never forget. "Your sister will be your greatest ally if you let her."
And she has been ever since.
My sister means more than the world to me. She is a confidant and friend, but even moreso than that, she is a support system. I will be eternally grateful for her.
Which is why I think it is so important to convey the fact that you need your siblings. God gave them to you for a reason. There is no point in being so stubborn that you cannot accept the gift that you have in them.
Now I realize that there are some extenuating circumstances out there where it really is important that the person separate themselves from their biological family for the sake of their own safety and I am not in any way shape or form refering to those; but eternally separating yourself from your own flesh and blood for petty reasons and manuverable disagreements seems so ridiculous to me, because I have been there. I know what it takes to get through them.
And I know that the journey is so much easier with a hiking buddy.
So my challenge to you is to put aside your differences. Consciously choose to make an effort to unburn bridges that were destroyed in the past. I truly believe you will never be sorry you did.
Just some thoughts!
Lacy Brianne
I will be the first to tell you that at times my three siblings have pushed me almost past the point of sanity, but that doesn't mean I love them any less.
We have had our fair share of fights and agrguments...let me give you some highlights. When we were young, Lexi and I got into a fist fight. Yes, my sweet little sister, and sweet little me, threw man punches right into each others faces. When mom saw us however, she was not all for the "let them duke it out approach like she would have been if we were boys, but instead hill-billy handcuffed (a.k.a. duct-taped) our wrists together (My right to her left since she is right handed and I am left; with washrags to keep it from sticking to and hurting our skin) and made us clean and do yard work as a team.
Of course we were both still angry with one another, so we did the classic pull-in-opposite-directions-until-we-both-fall-on-our-butts move. When we finally came to terms with the fact that we had to work together, it really strengthened our relationship. We didn't have another real fight until my junior year of high school.
We went to a very tiny high school, and were both lucky enough to be in the "popular crowd." I was pulled in my freshman year, being deemed the "token freshman" by some of the senior basketball players, and was sweet and loveable, and didn't have to put forth much effort to stay in the top crowd. When my junior year rolled around and my baby sister was going to be a freshman, I was beyond excited at the prospect of bringing her in with me.
Unfortunately, at the time, Lexi had it in her head that you had to be really mean and rude and walk on people to stay where you wanted to be, and long story short, she called me a b**** in front of a bunch of people. Of course this spread like wildfire, and we took the argument home, screaming and yelling for a good 10 minutes back and forth in front of our parents, bawling and lashing out. This is the only time I actually remember our parents letting us yell at each other. When I couldn't take anymore, I lowered my voice, and used silky words to cut her straight to the bone, then turned and walked into my room.
Our parents, being the incredible parents that they are took us to opposite floors of the house, Mom with Lexi and Daddy with me; to talk to us. When we had cooled down enough to be in the same room, my dad looked each of us in the eye and told me something I will never forget. "Your sister will be your greatest ally if you let her."
And she has been ever since.
My sister means more than the world to me. She is a confidant and friend, but even moreso than that, she is a support system. I will be eternally grateful for her.
Which is why I think it is so important to convey the fact that you need your siblings. God gave them to you for a reason. There is no point in being so stubborn that you cannot accept the gift that you have in them.
Now I realize that there are some extenuating circumstances out there where it really is important that the person separate themselves from their biological family for the sake of their own safety and I am not in any way shape or form refering to those; but eternally separating yourself from your own flesh and blood for petty reasons and manuverable disagreements seems so ridiculous to me, because I have been there. I know what it takes to get through them.
And I know that the journey is so much easier with a hiking buddy.
So my challenge to you is to put aside your differences. Consciously choose to make an effort to unburn bridges that were destroyed in the past. I truly believe you will never be sorry you did.
Just some thoughts!
Lacy Brianne
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