More Beautiful You

Little girl, fouteen, flippin' through a magazine

says she wants to look that way.

but her hair isn't straight, her body isn't fake

and she has always felt overweight.

 

little girl, fourteen, I wish that you could see

that beauty is within your heart.

you were made with such care;

your skin, your body, and your hair

are perfect just the way they are

 

There could never be a more beautiful you.

Don't buy the lies, disguises and

hoops they make you jump through.

You were made to fill a purpose,

that only You could do.  there could never be

a more beautiful you.

 

Little girl, twenty-one, the things that you've already done

anything to get ahead. 

You say you've got a man, but he's got another plan

only wants what you'll do instead.

 

Well little girl, twenty-one,

you never thought this day would come;

starve yourself to play the part.

But I can promise you, there is a man who's love is true

who will treat you like the jewel you are.

 

There could never be a more beautiful you.

Don't buy the lies, disguises and

hoops they make you jump through.

You were made to fill a purpose,

that only You could do. there could never be

a more beautiful you.

I heard this song on the radio tonight on my way home, and although I've loved it since I first heard it over a year ago, it finally struck me how closely those words parallel my life.  (If you didn't actually read it, I challenge you to.  It'll take you all of thirty seconds.) 

You see when I was fourteen, I battled anorexia.  Well to be honest, I didn't battle it at all; I welcomed it.  I felt vibrant, and clean, and as backward as it sounds, healthy.  I had always had self image isssues.  I saw myself as a very large girl, and so I wore clothes that were way too big for me when I was younger.  I was always telling myself, if only I could be skinny. 

Then, of course there was the catalyst.  My best friend got very sick, and physically couldn't eat, so she dropped to 98 lbs and I hated myself for being so much bigger than her.  I loathed myself.  So I stopped eating.  I had everything counted out, how many calories are in an apple? 127. A banana? 85.  A peice of chocolate? at least 210.  Those are just the ones I remember right off the top of my head. 
The most disturbing? 1 granola bar: 90 calories 2 sicks of gum: 10 calories. 
My total intake every day.  For several weeks. 
And this was on top of intense cheer workouts and practices, and running to relieve some stress.

Then, I was pulled out of it by my amazing Jesus through a dear friend.  Because He loves me.  Because He made me; exactly the way he wanted me to be.  He created this body I am in and he treasures it.  He thinks its perfect. 
It stays with you though.  The hurt.  The self hatred.  The guilt for eating.  I still fight it, on almost a daily basis.  The difference is, I'm fighting.  and I refuse to give up. 

So let's focus on the second verse of that song.  Boys.  Boys who pretend to be men, but boys, nonetheless.  You see, I have dated so many of them, which makes me sound like a floosy, but it's the honest truth.  Summed up by Ren MacCormack from Footloose (2011), I've been kissed a lot. It's not something I'm proud of, but there you go.

and yet, through all those bad relationships; all the times I have been abused, all the times I have been raked over the coals, used and tossed, broken and left to die, I made it out stronger.  Because, yet again, my Jesus is there.  Drawing me closer toward "my true love" everyday through Himself.  That in itself is such a beautiful prospect. 

So let me just close with this...the end of this beautiful song.  The part that offers up hope; that shows us, no matter what you've done, you're not too far gone. He can always bring you back, and though you have experienced trouble, he can give you renewed innocence despite that experience.  He will always love you. 

So turn around, you're not too fat

to back away, be who you are.

to change your path; go another way

It's not too late, you can be saved.

If you feel depressed, with past regrets

Those shameful nights, hope to forget

can disappear. 

They can all be washed away.

 

By the ONE who's strong, can right all your wrongs.

He'll rid your fears, dry all your tears.

and change the way you look at this big world.

He can take your dark, distorted view,

and with his Light he'll show you truth.

and again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl.

 

There could never be a more beautiful You.

 

 

Enjoy your morning, afternoon, evening, whenever you happen to be reading this. Hold His promised in your heart. 

 

In Love,

Lacy Brianne

 

Song credit: More Beautiful You; Jonny Diaz