Why Your First Love Isn't Always Your Last

Young love is the brightest. 

The relationship you have with the first person you fall in love with is unlike any other. 

But sometimes it doesn't work out. And as much as it kills us, that is not always a bad thing. 

I was listening to “Love Triangle” by RaeLynn today, and the chorus goes like this:

Some mommas and daddies are loving in a straight line

Take forever to heart and then take a long, sweet ride.

But some mommas and daddies let their heart strings tear and tangle

And some of us get stuck in a love triangle.

 

And this line really struck me. 

 

Some mommas and daddies are loving in a straight line

Take forever to heart and then take a long, sweet ride.

But some mommas and daddies let their heart strings tear and tangle

And some of us get stuck in a love triangle.

I was so blessed that my parents were of that mindset - in for the long haul.  They were by no means perfect.  They fought, not infrequently, and they’d grump at each other about mundane things. They’d yell, and slam doors occasionally.  But even through all their scuffles and frustration with one another, I never once questioned whether or not they loved each other.  I knew it was a choice whether or not to stay together, and they chose to remain a unit. 

I know what it's like to be faced with a choice like that. The first and only man I've ever really truly loved other than my husband brought me to a point where I was facing the decision to hold on, or let go. We were 15, almost 16, when we met and I spent five years with at least half of my heart belonging to him. We were long distance, and it was hard to hold a relationship like that together at such a young age, so we were on and off some. My heart was always his though, until the end when we called it quits. 

I struggled a lot after the breakup. It felt like the right thing to do, but I had trouble justifying it to myself. Looking back now, I  have no doubts, and my reasons become clearer and and more validated as time goes on. We fought a lot. Like, constantly. Being highly intelligent people, we both found it to be very stimulating at first. There was something refreshing about being able to disagree with someone and articulate your point. But the arguments started escalating. Over time,we both became very volitile about little things.  Strange as it may be, those fights made me a better wife. 

Once I met my husband, the difference in the was I was treated was eye opening. He showed me how a godly relationship was supposed to be, that fighting didn't have to even be part of the relationship, that I was supposed to be led and supported. 

I say all this to note that I had every intention of marrying that intense young man, and if I had, we would have been the second couple in that song. We loved each other, we really did. It was wonderful, and beautiful, and intense - just like fire. People tend to forget how destructive fire can be. If I had married him, I am confident that one of two things would have happened, we would have been in it for a while, and it would have broken for lack of foundation, or we would have stuck it out, both suffocating as we ripped each other apart. 

This is why they tell you make sure you marry the right person. This is why I am telling you, it won't always be the first. 

It's okay if it's not the first. 

I made a decision to end that relationship. And it hurt like hell.

Several months later I began dating my husband, and I can tell you right now that he is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. He chooses me, over everything else, he chooses to love me. We have our fights, but they tend to be more constructive than detrimental. We don't have children yet, but I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that if/when we do, our kids will never question whether we took forever to heart. 

As much hurt as I’ve watched broken homes cause, the last thing I ever want to do is put my kids through something like that.  Today has challenged me to make my marriage stronger.  To love my husband with every bit of myself.  To have as much grace with him as he has with me.  To shower him with compassion, even when I am angry and don’t feel that he deserves it.  

I’ll do everything in my power to make sure that my children don’t ever have to feel stuck and pulled between the two of us.  And maybe, just maybe, they'll have a good picture of what marriage is supposed to be like. Steadfast. Forever. 

Love Always, 

Lacy Bri