Je Suis Prest

The Outlander series has become all the rage in the past couple years, and rightly so.  It’s an extremely well written book series, with a television show that actually does it some justice.  I had a friend recommend the books to me for the long train ride through the English countryside last spring, and it didn’t take long till I was hooked.

Ruggedly handsome, Scottish young man, with fire in his soul as bright as his copper curls.  Not hard to be drawn in to Jamie Fraser, and the whole tumultuous love story that is his and Claire’s.  Jamie has a very devout sense of honor, and his love for his clan and Scotland run deep in his veins.

But this is not a book report so let me get to my point.

Je suis prest is the motto of the Fraser clan.  It translates to “I am ready”.

Now, I currently do not speak any other languages fluently, so when I read this, my brain pronounced the hard T of the English language, and we moved right along.  However, after watching the show and having a “duh” moment, I realized that the T is silent, and the word sounds a whole lot more like “pray” than it does “pressed”.

Which got me to thinking...

Prayer is such an active ritual.  It’s supposed to be.  We are to integrate it into each moment of our day.  We utilize it to have conversations with God, to open our hearts and ears to what he has in store for us.  We use it to ask God’s forgiveness, or to ask him to hold us as we walk through a trialing time.  We ask him for direction, or help.

But how long has it been since you used prayer to ready yourself?  Have you ever?

We are warriors for the Kingdom. (Go search your bible.  Pretty cool stuff about this in there).

Armies prepare themselves for battle.  They train.  They drill.

Have you hit your knees to prepare for whatever is coming next in your life? Are you using the most basic tools God has provided us with?  Whether what’s around the corner is  known or unknown to you, are you ready for it?

Je suis prest.  I am.

Love,
Lacy

Why Your First Love Isn't Always Your Last

Young love is the brightest. 

The relationship you have with the first person you fall in love with is unlike any other. 

But sometimes it doesn't work out. And as much as it kills us, that is not always a bad thing. 

I was listening to “Love Triangle” by RaeLynn today, and the chorus goes like this:

Some mommas and daddies are loving in a straight line

Take forever to heart and then take a long, sweet ride.

But some mommas and daddies let their heart strings tear and tangle

And some of us get stuck in a love triangle.

 

And this line really struck me. 

 

Some mommas and daddies are loving in a straight line

Take forever to heart and then take a long, sweet ride.

But some mommas and daddies let their heart strings tear and tangle

And some of us get stuck in a love triangle.

I was so blessed that my parents were of that mindset - in for the long haul.  They were by no means perfect.  They fought, not infrequently, and they’d grump at each other about mundane things. They’d yell, and slam doors occasionally.  But even through all their scuffles and frustration with one another, I never once questioned whether or not they loved each other.  I knew it was a choice whether or not to stay together, and they chose to remain a unit. 

I know what it's like to be faced with a choice like that. The first and only man I've ever really truly loved other than my husband brought me to a point where I was facing the decision to hold on, or let go. We were 15, almost 16, when we met and I spent five years with at least half of my heart belonging to him. We were long distance, and it was hard to hold a relationship like that together at such a young age, so we were on and off some. My heart was always his though, until the end when we called it quits. 

I struggled a lot after the breakup. It felt like the right thing to do, but I had trouble justifying it to myself. Looking back now, I  have no doubts, and my reasons become clearer and and more validated as time goes on. We fought a lot. Like, constantly. Being highly intelligent people, we both found it to be very stimulating at first. There was something refreshing about being able to disagree with someone and articulate your point. But the arguments started escalating. Over time,we both became very volitile about little things.  Strange as it may be, those fights made me a better wife. 

Once I met my husband, the difference in the was I was treated was eye opening. He showed me how a godly relationship was supposed to be, that fighting didn't have to even be part of the relationship, that I was supposed to be led and supported. 

I say all this to note that I had every intention of marrying that intense young man, and if I had, we would have been the second couple in that song. We loved each other, we really did. It was wonderful, and beautiful, and intense - just like fire. People tend to forget how destructive fire can be. If I had married him, I am confident that one of two things would have happened, we would have been in it for a while, and it would have broken for lack of foundation, or we would have stuck it out, both suffocating as we ripped each other apart. 

This is why they tell you make sure you marry the right person. This is why I am telling you, it won't always be the first. 

It's okay if it's not the first. 

I made a decision to end that relationship. And it hurt like hell.

Several months later I began dating my husband, and I can tell you right now that he is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. He chooses me, over everything else, he chooses to love me. We have our fights, but they tend to be more constructive than detrimental. We don't have children yet, but I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that if/when we do, our kids will never question whether we took forever to heart. 

As much hurt as I’ve watched broken homes cause, the last thing I ever want to do is put my kids through something like that.  Today has challenged me to make my marriage stronger.  To love my husband with every bit of myself.  To have as much grace with him as he has with me.  To shower him with compassion, even when I am angry and don’t feel that he deserves it.  

I’ll do everything in my power to make sure that my children don’t ever have to feel stuck and pulled between the two of us.  And maybe, just maybe, they'll have a good picture of what marriage is supposed to be like. Steadfast. Forever. 

Love Always, 

Lacy Bri

 

Adventures of a Gypsy Child: Wonder

I am so excited to announce that I'll be going to London next spring!!! 

This is a journey that I have been praying for the opportunity to go on since I was a little girl. Through a series of hard work, fortunate events, and plain dumb luck, I will be joining my dear friend Ashley over there! The hard work obviously comes from her end, as she put in all the man power to get herself excepted to grad school in London. So she'll be running away for a year, which is insanely depressing, but the fact that I get to go visit more than makes up for it! London has always been our place, and now we will get to explore it together. 

Beyond. Excited. 

Now to start on the list of places we must go and things we must do! Ash teases me constantly about being the "planner" of the two of us, but I have a feeling that half of this trip will be planned and the other half will just allow us to fly by the seat of our pants. 

My gypsy heart is overflowing with happiness. I am so ready to go ❤️

But for now, 

Cheers from Arkansas, 

Lacy Bri

Adventures of a Gypsy Child: Where it begins.

Life takes so many crazy turns. This past year has provided more than enough evidence of that.

I have changed and grown in countless ways.  I became a full fledged adult, and by that I mean I graduated college, started a job at a Fortune 500 company, and got married.  If that doesn't spell out A-D-U-L-T,  I don't know what does! In order to accomplish any of these things, and be good at them, there is an element of responsibility that infuses itself into your life.  So here I am on a Saturday morning, drinking coffee, doing dishes and laundry, and thinking about how insane it is that I have kept a houseplant alive for almost a month now!

The funniest part is I am more than satisfied with that.  I have been part of creating a home with someone special. I have pledged to love that someone until the day I die.  I own a real vacuum, and a washer, and a dryer.  I am settling in, and I am happy.

But no matter how wonderful this life I live is, there is a part of me that aches to see every inch of this glorious world that God created.  I want to touch the native grasses.  I want to swim in the clear waters.  I want to breathe in the scent of the breeze. In every place that ever existed. I want to hike through dense vegetation, and find abandoned structures.

I want to tell the stories buried beneath the surface.

The same God that gave me the strength to be still and responsible, touched my heart and lit my gypsy soul.  He also brought me a traveling buddy.

So with that, I am excited to see what this New Year holds.  I will be more than adventurous, but the spirit of adventure is where it all begins.

Cheers from my couch,
Lacy Bri

Confessions of a Still Beating Heart

Sometimes you get to a point when you realize that you no longer know a person who once defined you. 

And you don't want them back; this person you don't know anymore. And though you know you once did, you aren't sure when you stopped. You aren't sure at what point they zigged while you zagged, and you began to become strangers. 

But you did become strangers. And you can't hold two hearts together when their feet face different directions.

And you hate yourself, months later for not being better yet. Not being capable of accepting love. 

But you're just not. 

The only consolation is that one day, you'll stand up, and wipe the dirt off your scraped knees, and take off running. 

Midnight Prayers

Daddy, 

Calm my heart. 

Heal this hurt. 

Dear Jesus please make it go away. 

Dear Jesus please make it go away. 

Dear Jesus please make it go away. 

When I was small I had nightmares. Vivid nightmares, where I felt like I could not escape. And I would wake crying loudly, terrified. And every time I would closet eyes, the picture would be burnt into the back of my eyelids, and thebdre would continue. My mom would come hold me and rock me and sing to me. She would comfort me.

But none of those things she sang were as comforting as her whispering those six words into my ear over and over and over again. 

Dear Jesus please make it go away. 

Dear Jesus please make it go away. 

Dear Jesus please make it go away.

And now, even as a grown young woman living on my own, I find myself repeating those words in trying times. Times when I feel my life is a nightmare spiraling out of control. 

I fully understand why my mom chose the words she did. While all I wanted was to cling to my mommy, She knew one day she would not be there to pull me into her lap and let her kisses make it all better. She knew one day she may not be able to tell me it was all going to be okay. She knew above all that when that day came and I found myself needing to cling to something, that my place of shelter and comfort needed to be portable. 

And He has been. He has been with me every step. 

So Jesus, kiss my tears off my cheeks. Guard my dreams, keep away the terrors. Lead me. Bring me rest. 

Hold me, rock me, Lord make it all better. 

Lord, carry me, cause my legs are unsteady and my feet can find no solid footing. 

I stumbled, I fell, so please, please pull me out of this. 

Make it all better.

Love, 

LacyBri

Compass

So let your heart, 

Sweetheart, 

be your compass when you're lost

And you should follow it 

wherever it may go

And when all is said and done 

You can walk instead of run

'Cause no matter what 

You'll never be alone 

- Compass: Lady Antibellum 

This song has a super catchy tune. It's fun to sing and sway along to, and is literally music to your ears.

But when you stop and actually listen to the lyrics, they can rip your heart up. 

For so long I have been running; sprinting; no, bolting toward my future. Head on, I've taken everything in stride. I never slow down, then I complain about not having enough time to breathe. Or think. 

And I begin losing myself, every part of what makes up me.  I've proven myself to be good at everything I do, but rarely am I great at anything. 

And there are just some things that I am downright bad at. Like being friends with people. I am a great friend, but only for a moment in time, because once I see that someone has the potential to hurt me, I pull away. I close the windows and doors, locking them in a special place in my memory, and I take off running. 

I live my life a 10 second quarter mile at a time. Anything slower is simply not fast enough. But let's ask this. How on earth can you see the wild flowers going a buck fourty down the highway? You can't. You may know the general color of the vegetation beside you, but you will never know what you are missing unless you slow down. 

And right now I feel like I am missing everything. ...if only it were as easy as put into practice the words coming out of my mouth. 

Well Mr. Of Whom I am to be Your Future Mrs., you are right to not be around right now, for I am dreadful. I am terrifying, and you do not want to see me as I am. There may be days I beg for you to show up and rescue me, but I am not ready at all for you to show up, because you cannot save me. You will not magically fix me, no matter how good having you in my life will be. I apologize in advance for how hard it is going to be to convince me I can rely on you, because buddy it's not going to be an easy road. I am strong willed and stubborn. I probably always will be. I like to feel capable, and confident, and I like knowing how to things on my own. I like the thought of you feeling confident that I can take care of myself. 

That being said, I will love it when you open the car door for me, and when you bring me flowers. Not roses. Flowers. Daisies and orchids are my favorite.  I will smile when you make me happy, and I will laugh easily. One day, I will be ready for you to find me. 

Today, however, is not that day. 

Today, I am lost without my compass. 

Love, 

LacyBri