you know it just kinda drives me nuts sometimes that my mother still treats me like a child. i live on my own and have for over a year. i pay for all of my own stuff (i.e. my apartment, food, gas, and anything else that you can think of, because i hate accepting money from my parents) and im putting myself through school. i work at my grown up banker job and yet there are weeks that go by when my mother and i cannot have a conversation because she yells at me for having an opinion.
now i know that sometimes her demeanor is a direct reflection of how much my younger siblings are driving her crazy, but that doesnt make it any less frustrating. she is my mommy and i miss talking to her, yet i havent been able to have an actual conversation with her in way too long because she is either sleeping or grumpy or too busy to talk. on a whole other level i find this completely disheartening, because she will call and spend hours on the phone with her mother. sometimes i wish i could just have her attention for a good solid twenty minutes, without having to be like "mom, are you there?" "mom? im trying to tell you something" "mom!?!"
i miss her like crazy and this whole being an adult thing is a lot harder than i ever thought it would be. dont get me wrong i love my life and my job and taking care of myself, but sometimes it gets really lonely around here. i miss getting goodnight kisses and sitting on my parents bed and talking to them for a few hours and i miss laying in my bed in the mornings for a few extra minutes after my alarm went off because i knew that if i did mom would come sit on the edge of my bed and sing to me until i woke up.
the hardest part about being so tight knit with your family is leaving them and knowing things wont ever go back. momma i know we wont always agree, but i will always love you.
me
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