"Incredible" barely scratches the surface when it comes to describing this weekend. I was so beyond touched. I was healed.
I had a ton of fun, going on improv double dates to church's chicken in the middle of a room of people (who I look forward to getting to know more and more as time goes on), and doing some interesting team building exercises :-p
but that's not exactly where the incredible part lies...
The last night, they did a segment on forgiveness. We had to write a debt list, and it listed people, starting with our parents, moving to friends, romatic relationships, and eventually God and yourself. When I began writing, I already knew some things I wanted to address, but I decided to be completely open, and to allow God to dig up anything I needed to let go of that I didn't know I was harboring.
Come to find out, there were some things that I was angry with my dad for that I hadn't even known bothered me. As I have said before, I am a total daddy's girl. I love him with everything, I hold no hard feelings. However, the beauty of letting God consume and dig up your dirt, is that He won't ask you to address anything He can't help you get over. So, I was able to forgive for things I never knew I needed to, little things like his constructive criticism being to harsh when I was a child.
Then came Cassy. You see, Cassy was my closest friend, but she started making some terrible life decisions, as I began to draw closer to God, and so the gap between us became enormous. We kept stretching the bridge between us though, not wanting to lose contact. Then she did some things that were very hurtful; to me, and to my best friend (who happens to be a guy) whom she hadpreviously dated. When I tried to address these things, she became angry, saying that the guy was only trying to drive a wedge between the two of us, that I needed to stop letting him control my life, that I was never really a true friend. Those things hurt to hear. Badly. Because she had no reason to believe that I had ever lied to her. That I had ever been dishonest.
So I gave it to God and Cassy, I forgave you.
Then came Corey in the line of things that needed forgiven. I have talked about him previously in my blogs. He was a summer fling between my senior year of high school and college, that got messy at the end, and he scarred me deeply. I have wanted to forgive him for months now, and had even made a point to do so a couple weeks ago. But, the pain was still there so something wasn't computing. Something was missing, because quite honestly, I didn't even know where to begin. He hurt me so deeply.
But this is the incredible thing. I got to see God's plans for me in retrospect this weekend. For the past year, my good friend Michael has been encouraging me to go to Chi Alpha. Okay, encouraging is a weak word in this situtation. Michael never invited me to Chi Alpha in the "you should come" sort of way. Everytime we spoke, he would look me in the face and be like "Lacy. Be there. You NEED to go."
I used work as an excuse, and didn't go. Though throughout the year, he refused to give up. Everytime he saw me for an entire year, he told me where I needed to be. He never tired of reminding me to pursue my relationship with God.
My King cared about me enough to use a friend to chase me down, turn me around and pull me back. The same friend that he used to keep me from slipping entirely off the edge during my battle with anorexia. And He brought me to Chi Alpha, for a lot of reasons, one in particular being this retreat, so that I could address all my demons and banish them. So that I could finally let Him HEAL me entirely and completely and wholly of my anorexia. So that I could truly forgive those who had hurt me.
Forgiveness comes in two parts. First, the actually forgiving, and second, the praying of a blessing over the person you are forgiving.
So: Daddy, I pray that God blesses you with everything you have desired for your family.
Cassy, I pray God blesses you with a true friend you can depend on, someone who will not abandon you, and with the gift of discernment, so you will know the difference.
Corey, I pray that God blesses you with someone through which His love will be blatantly evident, and I pray that God blesses you with the ability to forgive everyone who has ever hurt you.
The fact that I have the ability to genuinely wish for those things is further proof of how incredible my Savior is.
With Hope,
Lacy Brianne
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