As I'm sure you're well aware, this is the time of year for everyone to share their nifty little family traditions. Whether it be reading a certain book by the fireplace, cooking with Grandma's secret recipes, or unintentionally burning the turkey so many times that it's just not the holidays otherwise, we all have quirky little things our families do every year.
While my family has many normal traditions that have been carried on through the generations, we also have some that are probably not so...well...sane.
As you have probably come to know, my younger sister Lexi is my partner in crime. Literally.
I'm not exactly sure when all this started, but at some point during our youth we decided we wanted to come up with some tradtions of our own, and Lexi being the daredevil that she is, decided to try to give us hypothermia...on a yearly basis...every year for the rest. of. our. lives.
Let me tell you a story.
When I was a young'un, probably about the ripe old age of 8, we had an unreasonably cold winter. I, being the summer baby that I am, was very very very tired of the weather, so Lexi and I decided that we were going to crank up the heater and sit in our rooms in our bathing suits, watch The Little Mermaid, and pretend it was Summer.
(Insert God's laughter here)
Because during our day in the Tropics, it started to snow outside. Then the snow started to stick. So my lovin' momma called us downstairs to look at it, and then laughed when she saw our attire.
Here comes the moment of insanity.
I'm not sure who's bright idea this was, but one of us decided it would be great to run down to the bottom of the yard through the snow. Barefoot. In our bathing suits.
Just what were we thinking, you may ask? I honestly have no clue. But it was probably Lexi's idea.
So we made a tradition of it. As soon as we got a good inch of snow on the ground for the first time each year, we would run the full acre length of the yard barefoot in our bikinis. And this year was no different. Okay, well this year was a little different, because we were in mixed company so we had on a little extra clothing.
The thing that you should take away from the previous sentence is not that we were clothed, but that we are now infecting other people with our craziness, and lack of self preservation. Peer Pressure!
In the words of Dylan, (the guy who forgot his beenie) "We're doing what?!?! This is a Terrible tradition!" and one that we will continue for many years to come :)
Pictures to come soon!!
Happy Holidays!!
Lacy Brianne
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Monday, December 17, 2012
Dear God, Please Test My Patience
One of the things that church ladies will jokingly tell you is to "be careful what you pray for, because you just might get it." This is often times followed by the statement "don't pray for patience. God won't give it to you, He'll teach it to you." Let me just begin by saying that these ladies are very smart, and I probably should have listened.
A few months ago, I decided to ask God for the gift of patience. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into, because I had heard the warnings, and had prepared myself for the fact that this may not be easy. However, I felt that I needed it, in order to be more fulfilled with life, I needed to be a more patient person.
I took some time to think about what had tried my patience in the past, and came to the conclusion that this test would probably be centered around people. I am a big people person, but they are also my biggest crazy factor sometimes. So I assumed, I'd be working with the types that had at times in the past made me cranky or uncomfortable.
Small Children. Nursing Homes. Assisted Living. I can do this, no big deal.
And then comes the part where God looks at your plans... and He laughs. Out loud; at just how silly you are.
You see, He knew that although these people had a tendency to try my patience, I had a heart for them. I loved them, and loved spending time with and caring for them. I loved nurturing them, and He knew that because of that, I could conquer my paticence issues in those areas all on my own. Instead of making me though, He simply opened my eyes to just how much I care for them, and in that sense, gave me ALL the patience I could ever ask for.
The area that He saw needed some work was that of my relationships with the male species. Go figure that one.
And so my patience test came in the form of a super talented, God loving, immensely attractive, beyond frustrating, extravagantly confusing man. You know who you are.
...and while I am confused about the presence or absence of a spark, the long talks when the rest of the world sleeps, and then weeks of not speaking, I am thankful that I can see God working in my life, and in his as well; using us to mend each other, in ways we may not even understand.
So, my word of advice to you today is to listen to the church ladies. They know exactly what they are talking about.
Love always,
Lacy Brianne
A few months ago, I decided to ask God for the gift of patience. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into, because I had heard the warnings, and had prepared myself for the fact that this may not be easy. However, I felt that I needed it, in order to be more fulfilled with life, I needed to be a more patient person.
I took some time to think about what had tried my patience in the past, and came to the conclusion that this test would probably be centered around people. I am a big people person, but they are also my biggest crazy factor sometimes. So I assumed, I'd be working with the types that had at times in the past made me cranky or uncomfortable.
Small Children. Nursing Homes. Assisted Living. I can do this, no big deal.
And then comes the part where God looks at your plans... and He laughs. Out loud; at just how silly you are.
You see, He knew that although these people had a tendency to try my patience, I had a heart for them. I loved them, and loved spending time with and caring for them. I loved nurturing them, and He knew that because of that, I could conquer my paticence issues in those areas all on my own. Instead of making me though, He simply opened my eyes to just how much I care for them, and in that sense, gave me ALL the patience I could ever ask for.
The area that He saw needed some work was that of my relationships with the male species. Go figure that one.
And so my patience test came in the form of a super talented, God loving, immensely attractive, beyond frustrating, extravagantly confusing man. You know who you are.
...and while I am confused about the presence or absence of a spark, the long talks when the rest of the world sleeps, and then weeks of not speaking, I am thankful that I can see God working in my life, and in his as well; using us to mend each other, in ways we may not even understand.
So, my word of advice to you today is to listen to the church ladies. They know exactly what they are talking about.
Love always,
Lacy Brianne
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
The Parade of the Ex's
So it's finals week, and like a good amount of my college age friends out there, instead of studying all that I possibly can, Facebook started calling my name. For what reason? I have no idea.
Here is the thing about my Facebook though...it is diverse every time I get on it. I have over 775 friends on there, yet I can tell you where and how I met each and every one of them. I guess that comes with being what is known as a connector (more to come on that at a later date).
But anyway, I rarely delete people, and my page acts in such a way that every time I pull it up, my news feed is full of different people, in no certain order.
Well tonight, it is all full of ex-boyfriends, or just guys that I dated in the past.
That in itself does not bother me, because I am actually not on bad terms with all but a couple of them.
But as I kept scrolling through my feed looking for someone I hadn't been romantically involved with in the past, I began to wonder what it was that had been so attractive about them to me. What was it about them that made me make a bad decision or mistrust their character.
I began to realize that while they all had something that I liked or was attracted to, none of them were right for me. They all had something about them that was a "deal breaker," something that made us unfit to be together.
While I regret some of those past experiences, I can't lie and say that there weren't moments that I enjoyed. and each one of those guys taught me something different about myself, and about the kind of man I would want my husband to be.
So thank you, dumb boys, for allowing me to know what to aviod, and for unintentionally teaching me how to be more discerning. Thanks for showing me that I should never settle.
Love and Luck on Finals,
Lacy Brianne
Here is the thing about my Facebook though...it is diverse every time I get on it. I have over 775 friends on there, yet I can tell you where and how I met each and every one of them. I guess that comes with being what is known as a connector (more to come on that at a later date).
But anyway, I rarely delete people, and my page acts in such a way that every time I pull it up, my news feed is full of different people, in no certain order.
Well tonight, it is all full of ex-boyfriends, or just guys that I dated in the past.
That in itself does not bother me, because I am actually not on bad terms with all but a couple of them.
But as I kept scrolling through my feed looking for someone I hadn't been romantically involved with in the past, I began to wonder what it was that had been so attractive about them to me. What was it about them that made me make a bad decision or mistrust their character.
I began to realize that while they all had something that I liked or was attracted to, none of them were right for me. They all had something about them that was a "deal breaker," something that made us unfit to be together.
While I regret some of those past experiences, I can't lie and say that there weren't moments that I enjoyed. and each one of those guys taught me something different about myself, and about the kind of man I would want my husband to be.
So thank you, dumb boys, for allowing me to know what to aviod, and for unintentionally teaching me how to be more discerning. Thanks for showing me that I should never settle.
Love and Luck on Finals,
Lacy Brianne
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Let's Just Say Epic.
"Incredible" barely scratches the surface when it comes to describing this weekend. I was so beyond touched. I was healed.
I had a ton of fun, going on improv double dates to church's chicken in the middle of a room of people (who I look forward to getting to know more and more as time goes on), and doing some interesting team building exercises :-p
but that's not exactly where the incredible part lies...
The last night, they did a segment on forgiveness. We had to write a debt list, and it listed people, starting with our parents, moving to friends, romatic relationships, and eventually God and yourself. When I began writing, I already knew some things I wanted to address, but I decided to be completely open, and to allow God to dig up anything I needed to let go of that I didn't know I was harboring.
Come to find out, there were some things that I was angry with my dad for that I hadn't even known bothered me. As I have said before, I am a total daddy's girl. I love him with everything, I hold no hard feelings. However, the beauty of letting God consume and dig up your dirt, is that He won't ask you to address anything He can't help you get over. So, I was able to forgive for things I never knew I needed to, little things like his constructive criticism being to harsh when I was a child.
Then came Cassy. You see, Cassy was my closest friend, but she started making some terrible life decisions, as I began to draw closer to God, and so the gap between us became enormous. We kept stretching the bridge between us though, not wanting to lose contact. Then she did some things that were very hurtful; to me, and to my best friend (who happens to be a guy) whom she hadpreviously dated. When I tried to address these things, she became angry, saying that the guy was only trying to drive a wedge between the two of us, that I needed to stop letting him control my life, that I was never really a true friend. Those things hurt to hear. Badly. Because she had no reason to believe that I had ever lied to her. That I had ever been dishonest.
So I gave it to God and Cassy, I forgave you.
Then came Corey in the line of things that needed forgiven. I have talked about him previously in my blogs. He was a summer fling between my senior year of high school and college, that got messy at the end, and he scarred me deeply. I have wanted to forgive him for months now, and had even made a point to do so a couple weeks ago. But, the pain was still there so something wasn't computing. Something was missing, because quite honestly, I didn't even know where to begin. He hurt me so deeply.
But this is the incredible thing. I got to see God's plans for me in retrospect this weekend. For the past year, my good friend Michael has been encouraging me to go to Chi Alpha. Okay, encouraging is a weak word in this situtation. Michael never invited me to Chi Alpha in the "you should come" sort of way. Everytime we spoke, he would look me in the face and be like "Lacy. Be there. You NEED to go."
I used work as an excuse, and didn't go. Though throughout the year, he refused to give up. Everytime he saw me for an entire year, he told me where I needed to be. He never tired of reminding me to pursue my relationship with God.
My King cared about me enough to use a friend to chase me down, turn me around and pull me back. The same friend that he used to keep me from slipping entirely off the edge during my battle with anorexia. And He brought me to Chi Alpha, for a lot of reasons, one in particular being this retreat, so that I could address all my demons and banish them. So that I could finally let Him HEAL me entirely and completely and wholly of my anorexia. So that I could truly forgive those who had hurt me.
Forgiveness comes in two parts. First, the actually forgiving, and second, the praying of a blessing over the person you are forgiving.
So: Daddy, I pray that God blesses you with everything you have desired for your family.
Cassy, I pray God blesses you with a true friend you can depend on, someone who will not abandon you, and with the gift of discernment, so you will know the difference.
Corey, I pray that God blesses you with someone through which His love will be blatantly evident, and I pray that God blesses you with the ability to forgive everyone who has ever hurt you.
The fact that I have the ability to genuinely wish for those things is further proof of how incredible my Savior is.
With Hope,
Lacy Brianne
I had a ton of fun, going on improv double dates to church's chicken in the middle of a room of people (who I look forward to getting to know more and more as time goes on), and doing some interesting team building exercises :-p
but that's not exactly where the incredible part lies...
The last night, they did a segment on forgiveness. We had to write a debt list, and it listed people, starting with our parents, moving to friends, romatic relationships, and eventually God and yourself. When I began writing, I already knew some things I wanted to address, but I decided to be completely open, and to allow God to dig up anything I needed to let go of that I didn't know I was harboring.
Come to find out, there were some things that I was angry with my dad for that I hadn't even known bothered me. As I have said before, I am a total daddy's girl. I love him with everything, I hold no hard feelings. However, the beauty of letting God consume and dig up your dirt, is that He won't ask you to address anything He can't help you get over. So, I was able to forgive for things I never knew I needed to, little things like his constructive criticism being to harsh when I was a child.
Then came Cassy. You see, Cassy was my closest friend, but she started making some terrible life decisions, as I began to draw closer to God, and so the gap between us became enormous. We kept stretching the bridge between us though, not wanting to lose contact. Then she did some things that were very hurtful; to me, and to my best friend (who happens to be a guy) whom she hadpreviously dated. When I tried to address these things, she became angry, saying that the guy was only trying to drive a wedge between the two of us, that I needed to stop letting him control my life, that I was never really a true friend. Those things hurt to hear. Badly. Because she had no reason to believe that I had ever lied to her. That I had ever been dishonest.
So I gave it to God and Cassy, I forgave you.
Then came Corey in the line of things that needed forgiven. I have talked about him previously in my blogs. He was a summer fling between my senior year of high school and college, that got messy at the end, and he scarred me deeply. I have wanted to forgive him for months now, and had even made a point to do so a couple weeks ago. But, the pain was still there so something wasn't computing. Something was missing, because quite honestly, I didn't even know where to begin. He hurt me so deeply.
But this is the incredible thing. I got to see God's plans for me in retrospect this weekend. For the past year, my good friend Michael has been encouraging me to go to Chi Alpha. Okay, encouraging is a weak word in this situtation. Michael never invited me to Chi Alpha in the "you should come" sort of way. Everytime we spoke, he would look me in the face and be like "Lacy. Be there. You NEED to go."
I used work as an excuse, and didn't go. Though throughout the year, he refused to give up. Everytime he saw me for an entire year, he told me where I needed to be. He never tired of reminding me to pursue my relationship with God.
My King cared about me enough to use a friend to chase me down, turn me around and pull me back. The same friend that he used to keep me from slipping entirely off the edge during my battle with anorexia. And He brought me to Chi Alpha, for a lot of reasons, one in particular being this retreat, so that I could address all my demons and banish them. So that I could finally let Him HEAL me entirely and completely and wholly of my anorexia. So that I could truly forgive those who had hurt me.
Forgiveness comes in two parts. First, the actually forgiving, and second, the praying of a blessing over the person you are forgiving.
So: Daddy, I pray that God blesses you with everything you have desired for your family.
Cassy, I pray God blesses you with a true friend you can depend on, someone who will not abandon you, and with the gift of discernment, so you will know the difference.
Corey, I pray that God blesses you with someone through which His love will be blatantly evident, and I pray that God blesses you with the ability to forgive everyone who has ever hurt you.
The fact that I have the ability to genuinely wish for those things is further proof of how incredible my Savior is.
With Hope,
Lacy Brianne
Friday, November 9, 2012
Friday :)
For those of you who follow me on here I would just like to let you know that I will be out of commission this weekend. I am heading on a retreat with Chi Alpha. :) I'll catch you all up on Sunday evening!!
Have an excellent weekend!
Lacy Brianne
Have an excellent weekend!
Lacy Brianne
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Turn the Page, Dear Sister - Day 9
As a working college student, a moment of free time is rare. It is cherished. And in the off chance it sneaks up on you, it tends to leave you with the thought "Oh crap, I know I'm forgetting to do something."
Over the last couple days, every spare second I could squeeze out of my day has been spent editing scholarship essays for my little sister. As if I wasn't immersed in enough school/book work already, I decided to take on some more. And the funny thing was, it didn't seem to take away any of my time at all. I enjoyed it, because I suppose it was a gift of love.
You see, Lexi is My little sister. I am possessive, protective, and not afraid assassinate you if you hurt her. Yes, Assassinate. It will be that big of a deal. I love her with all of my heart.
Which is why my week has been dedicated to spicing up her English. If you hadn't noticed, I'm kind of the writer of the family, which is just fine, because Lexi's love of math and science is going to make her one of the worlds best pediatricians someday. However, it will be my big words inserted into her essay's that get her a second glance, and her passion for people that seals the deal.
So why are we furiously constructing essays? Well, she has several scholarships due in the next couple weeks during which time she will be in Nicaragua. As in the country. In South America. Far away from me.
I am so excited for her, as she gets to embark on this phenomenal new journey. While I sit here, and pray that God keeps her safe, that He protects her, that He walks by her every moment.
Now, don't get me wrong. I am in no way worried that she will be physically hurt, but the thought of being half a world away from her is kind of nervewraking for me. I won't be there if she needs me, and I have to fully trust God with one of my most precious treasures. Not that I don't already do that, it's just a lot easier when you know you could be there in an hour, two tops, if she really needed you than it is when you are miles and miles apart.
So this it a leap of faith, for both of us. A new page in our journals. A new journey that we take both alone and together.
Gute Reise! Bon Voyage! Safe travels, my dear sister. I love you!
Love,
Lacy Brianne
P.S. Tooth Brush. Clean Underwear. Don't forget them. :-)
Over the last couple days, every spare second I could squeeze out of my day has been spent editing scholarship essays for my little sister. As if I wasn't immersed in enough school/book work already, I decided to take on some more. And the funny thing was, it didn't seem to take away any of my time at all. I enjoyed it, because I suppose it was a gift of love.
You see, Lexi is My little sister. I am possessive, protective, and not afraid assassinate you if you hurt her. Yes, Assassinate. It will be that big of a deal. I love her with all of my heart.
Which is why my week has been dedicated to spicing up her English. If you hadn't noticed, I'm kind of the writer of the family, which is just fine, because Lexi's love of math and science is going to make her one of the worlds best pediatricians someday. However, it will be my big words inserted into her essay's that get her a second glance, and her passion for people that seals the deal.
So why are we furiously constructing essays? Well, she has several scholarships due in the next couple weeks during which time she will be in Nicaragua. As in the country. In South America. Far away from me.
I am so excited for her, as she gets to embark on this phenomenal new journey. While I sit here, and pray that God keeps her safe, that He protects her, that He walks by her every moment.
Now, don't get me wrong. I am in no way worried that she will be physically hurt, but the thought of being half a world away from her is kind of nervewraking for me. I won't be there if she needs me, and I have to fully trust God with one of my most precious treasures. Not that I don't already do that, it's just a lot easier when you know you could be there in an hour, two tops, if she really needed you than it is when you are miles and miles apart.
So this it a leap of faith, for both of us. A new page in our journals. A new journey that we take both alone and together.
Gute Reise! Bon Voyage! Safe travels, my dear sister. I love you!
Love,
Lacy Brianne
P.S. Tooth Brush. Clean Underwear. Don't forget them. :-)
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Caution: This may be offensive - Day 8
"Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction; pay attention and gain understanding."
This was the beginning of my devotion today.
Now I normally stay pretty happy and while I am opinionated, I try to have respect for everyone elses opinions. I generally try not to be abrasive, but tonight is a different story. Warning: this may offend you.
So many people on my newfeed are literally ranting like madmen over the outcome of the Presidential election; talking about how the nation is going to crumble and fall apart. The reason for this overdramatic expression of emotion does not stem from the fact that "we chose the wrong man." It is that the American people, my christian friends included, have lost sight of one very important fact.
Our God Reigns.
You fools! Do you not think God is in control anymore? You cry out begging God to have mercy on our country, but you seem to forget that He has a plan. He has always had a plan. He knows what He is doing, so here's a grand idea. TRUST HIM, like you claim to.
"Take hold of my words with all your heart. Keep my commands and you will live."
This nation survived four years of Obama, the man you are all ranting about.
We will do it again.
"Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk from your lips."
Gentlemen, this means Do Not Try To Provoke One Another With Your Facebook Status's. Many of the things I've seen would be considered Treason in another country. Be thankful you have the right to say them.
Calling the majority of the voting population "idiots" only makes you look like a caveman. Do not lower yourself to that level. As a christian, you should be concerned about how you are interpreted, whether or not you care who you offend. If you offend someone by striving to be Godly, that is their problem, but when you are not setting a good example, it makes you the one with the problem. As your sister in Christ, it's my job to tell you when you have stepped out of line. You sir stepped WAY out of line.
"Do not turn to the right or left. Keep your foot from evil."
Don't get so caught up in politics that you forget who you are supposed to be striving to be like.
There I'm done.
Lacy Brianne
This was the beginning of my devotion today.
Now I normally stay pretty happy and while I am opinionated, I try to have respect for everyone elses opinions. I generally try not to be abrasive, but tonight is a different story. Warning: this may offend you.
So many people on my newfeed are literally ranting like madmen over the outcome of the Presidential election; talking about how the nation is going to crumble and fall apart. The reason for this overdramatic expression of emotion does not stem from the fact that "we chose the wrong man." It is that the American people, my christian friends included, have lost sight of one very important fact.
Our God Reigns.
You fools! Do you not think God is in control anymore? You cry out begging God to have mercy on our country, but you seem to forget that He has a plan. He has always had a plan. He knows what He is doing, so here's a grand idea. TRUST HIM, like you claim to.
"Take hold of my words with all your heart. Keep my commands and you will live."
This nation survived four years of Obama, the man you are all ranting about.
We will do it again.
"Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk from your lips."
Gentlemen, this means Do Not Try To Provoke One Another With Your Facebook Status's. Many of the things I've seen would be considered Treason in another country. Be thankful you have the right to say them.
Calling the majority of the voting population "idiots" only makes you look like a caveman. Do not lower yourself to that level. As a christian, you should be concerned about how you are interpreted, whether or not you care who you offend. If you offend someone by striving to be Godly, that is their problem, but when you are not setting a good example, it makes you the one with the problem. As your sister in Christ, it's my job to tell you when you have stepped out of line. You sir stepped WAY out of line.
"Do not turn to the right or left. Keep your foot from evil."
Don't get so caught up in politics that you forget who you are supposed to be striving to be like.
There I'm done.
Lacy Brianne
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
This Day In History - Day 7
Just a quick blog today, because I am exhausted.
I am going to take a break from sharing my devotions to talk about a large current event.
Well, as I'm sure you're aware, today was election day. I could go on about how everything went down, who I voted for, what my political views are, but I really just can't get two thoughts out of my head.
1) I am so immensely greatful to live in a country that gives me the opportunity to complain about my government. I am FREE to say what I want, to make my own decisions, and CHOOSE MY LEADER. That is an incredible gift that I know I take for granted.
2) Our country needs prayer. Sure it would be easy to pray for one candidate or the other to hold office, but I feel that that is really missing the big picture. Sure, Obama won, but had Romney taken office, our country would still need the same amount of prayer. The problem is not with our leaders, but lies at the Heart of the People. Our nation needs prayer.
First that we would come back to our Lord.
Second: we need to pray for our President. Not pray about him. PRAY FOR HIM. He's going to have a lot on his shoulders over the next four years, and he needs to trust that our Lord will walk him through it.
Third: we need to pray for the candidate who lost tonight, and his family. Loss is never easy, and it these next few days, weeks, and months have the potential to be very strenuous on them. Pray that God holds their family together.
So tonight as you rant and rave or rejoice, Remember, the change we need begins with you.
Thats all.
Lacy Brianne
PS: update on the fasting challenges: 7 official days without soda, 12 actual days! and I have not purchased a single article of clothing for myself. :) yay!
I am going to take a break from sharing my devotions to talk about a large current event.
Well, as I'm sure you're aware, today was election day. I could go on about how everything went down, who I voted for, what my political views are, but I really just can't get two thoughts out of my head.
1) I am so immensely greatful to live in a country that gives me the opportunity to complain about my government. I am FREE to say what I want, to make my own decisions, and CHOOSE MY LEADER. That is an incredible gift that I know I take for granted.
2) Our country needs prayer. Sure it would be easy to pray for one candidate or the other to hold office, but I feel that that is really missing the big picture. Sure, Obama won, but had Romney taken office, our country would still need the same amount of prayer. The problem is not with our leaders, but lies at the Heart of the People. Our nation needs prayer.
First that we would come back to our Lord.
Second: we need to pray for our President. Not pray about him. PRAY FOR HIM. He's going to have a lot on his shoulders over the next four years, and he needs to trust that our Lord will walk him through it.
Third: we need to pray for the candidate who lost tonight, and his family. Loss is never easy, and it these next few days, weeks, and months have the potential to be very strenuous on them. Pray that God holds their family together.
So tonight as you rant and rave or rejoice, Remember, the change we need begins with you.
Thats all.
Lacy Brianne
PS: update on the fasting challenges: 7 official days without soda, 12 actual days! and I have not purchased a single article of clothing for myself. :) yay!
Monday, November 5, 2012
An average Monday in the life of Me - Day 6
My devotion from this morning:
Proverbs 3:17 "All her (wisdom) paths are peace"
When we are truly wise, we will no longer feel strung along by this life. We will know that we are onthe path God has laid out for us, and we will be able to follow it without any reservations. It talks about wisdom being a "tree of life"; full and satisfying, then points out everything created to sustain us, and make us wonder.
It tells us to use discretion, and confirms that the Lord is our protector, we should not be afraid. And remember this as you go about your day: the Lord blesses the humble.
And the rest of the day....
Point 1: I am so thankful to have people in my life like Michelle Cates (if you are reading this, stop. now. go do your homework. you can come back later. love you!) This girl was so unexpectedly thrown into my life, and since then has been a constant encouragement to me. Just needed to throw that our there!
Point 2: I adore my co-workers. At one point today we were haveing a conversation about church, and we started talking about the problem with "youth churches." That story however is far too great to be squeezed into an excerpt. It needs it's own blog, actually, so more to come, but don't worry, it's not entirely a rant, and it's quite hilarious. But I will tell you this now; they know exactly how to make me laugh when I feel that I am at my worst.
Point 3: So Carp's mentor is in town and spoke at Chi Alpha tonight (I will get to hear more from him this weekend, at the retreat I'll be attending and let me just tell you, I am excited) He talked about the likeness of children, and how we should strive to align ourselves with that likeness.
A few of the things he said really hit home for me, one of them being trusting someone with intimate details. Children tend to be very trusting, because they haven't been hurt yet and they have no reason not to trust. However as we get older, we realize that there are people in this world who aren't to be trusted.
What we tend to ignore though, is the fact that there are those who are good, kind, just; those who deserve our trust; yet for fear of being hurt, we hold them at arm's length. We don't want to share, because they might take too much of us. We guard our hearts, and take a chance at being alone, rather than the chance at getting hurt again.
We will never heal from this though, if we refuse to let ourselves. We must have a childhood honesty and authenticity about what makes us tick. What strengthens and weakens us. We must not be afraid to let someone in, because unless you take that chance, how will you ever know.
One final thing that really stuck with me..."a good message is dependent on the condition of your heart." I guess that means that God's working on mine; telling me it's time to let go and love; everyone and everything, with all that I am. I guess if I get hurt again, He'll be there to put me back together. He's making my life a mosaic.
Proverbs 3:17 "All her (wisdom) paths are peace"
When we are truly wise, we will no longer feel strung along by this life. We will know that we are onthe path God has laid out for us, and we will be able to follow it without any reservations. It talks about wisdom being a "tree of life"; full and satisfying, then points out everything created to sustain us, and make us wonder.
It tells us to use discretion, and confirms that the Lord is our protector, we should not be afraid. And remember this as you go about your day: the Lord blesses the humble.
And the rest of the day....
Point 1: I am so thankful to have people in my life like Michelle Cates (if you are reading this, stop. now. go do your homework. you can come back later. love you!) This girl was so unexpectedly thrown into my life, and since then has been a constant encouragement to me. Just needed to throw that our there!
Point 2: I adore my co-workers. At one point today we were haveing a conversation about church, and we started talking about the problem with "youth churches." That story however is far too great to be squeezed into an excerpt. It needs it's own blog, actually, so more to come, but don't worry, it's not entirely a rant, and it's quite hilarious. But I will tell you this now; they know exactly how to make me laugh when I feel that I am at my worst.
Point 3: So Carp's mentor is in town and spoke at Chi Alpha tonight (I will get to hear more from him this weekend, at the retreat I'll be attending and let me just tell you, I am excited) He talked about the likeness of children, and how we should strive to align ourselves with that likeness.
A few of the things he said really hit home for me, one of them being trusting someone with intimate details. Children tend to be very trusting, because they haven't been hurt yet and they have no reason not to trust. However as we get older, we realize that there are people in this world who aren't to be trusted.
What we tend to ignore though, is the fact that there are those who are good, kind, just; those who deserve our trust; yet for fear of being hurt, we hold them at arm's length. We don't want to share, because they might take too much of us. We guard our hearts, and take a chance at being alone, rather than the chance at getting hurt again.
We will never heal from this though, if we refuse to let ourselves. We must have a childhood honesty and authenticity about what makes us tick. What strengthens and weakens us. We must not be afraid to let someone in, because unless you take that chance, how will you ever know.
One final thing that really stuck with me..."a good message is dependent on the condition of your heart." I guess that means that God's working on mine; telling me it's time to let go and love; everyone and everything, with all that I am. I guess if I get hurt again, He'll be there to put me back together. He's making my life a mosaic.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Steady my heart-Day 5
Today was a day for reflection.
My devotion was in Proverbs 3:7-12. I want to focus on two particular verses: 8 and 12.
Eight talks about how fearing the Lord and shunning evil will "give health to your body and nourish your bones." and twelve states that "The Lord disciplines those He loves"
Verse 8 offers me so much peace because of the eating disorder that I struggled with. That was by far one of the lowest valleys in my life. I couldn't tell anyone that I had a problem, because it would add more to everyone else's stress levels. I was under an immense amount of pressure to hold my whole world and everyone in it properly in orbit.
I was saved when I was 5, so I always knew "who God was" and that He would "be there for me," but I never once stopped to think that He could just fix everything. That if I trusted Him, he would be there to carry me. I was determined to weather my storms independently.
Verse 12 talks about being disciplined. I used to feel that when bad things happened, it was because I wasn't doing what I was supposed to. I had messed up somewhere along the line, and all those bad things were the result. Then today I was thinking back to all the times I ever got in trouble with my dad. He would always make sure that I knew what I had done wrong, before he disciplined me, and most the time, it was to keep me from doing something that would potentially hurt me.
God is a lot like that. He doesn't like disciplining us, but when He has to, He will make sure we know the cause and the punishment, and understand why it is just.
There have been so many times throughout all of my trials that I have felt so separated from God. I have felt so broken, hurt, abused, detatched. Utterly Lost. During these times, I let the pain build up inside by hiding it. That pain held on tighter than ever imagined.
I was listening to Steady My Heart by Kari Jobe today and found a very subtle connection to the way I had felt. It took me a long time to realize it, but that girl who went through all those trails didn't go through them alone. Even when I chose to ignore that God was there to help, it didn't change the fact that He never left my side.
The older I get, the more I grow in my relationship with God, the more I see that he really does steady me. "Lover of my soul; Healer of my scars" He heals my scars, He nourishes my body, He makes me whole. Pretty neat stuff huh?
I hope you are enjoying this journey as much as I am!
Nourished,
Lacy Brianne
My devotion was in Proverbs 3:7-12. I want to focus on two particular verses: 8 and 12.
Eight talks about how fearing the Lord and shunning evil will "give health to your body and nourish your bones." and twelve states that "The Lord disciplines those He loves"
Verse 8 offers me so much peace because of the eating disorder that I struggled with. That was by far one of the lowest valleys in my life. I couldn't tell anyone that I had a problem, because it would add more to everyone else's stress levels. I was under an immense amount of pressure to hold my whole world and everyone in it properly in orbit.
I was saved when I was 5, so I always knew "who God was" and that He would "be there for me," but I never once stopped to think that He could just fix everything. That if I trusted Him, he would be there to carry me. I was determined to weather my storms independently.
Verse 12 talks about being disciplined. I used to feel that when bad things happened, it was because I wasn't doing what I was supposed to. I had messed up somewhere along the line, and all those bad things were the result. Then today I was thinking back to all the times I ever got in trouble with my dad. He would always make sure that I knew what I had done wrong, before he disciplined me, and most the time, it was to keep me from doing something that would potentially hurt me.
God is a lot like that. He doesn't like disciplining us, but when He has to, He will make sure we know the cause and the punishment, and understand why it is just.
There have been so many times throughout all of my trials that I have felt so separated from God. I have felt so broken, hurt, abused, detatched. Utterly Lost. During these times, I let the pain build up inside by hiding it. That pain held on tighter than ever imagined.
I was listening to Steady My Heart by Kari Jobe today and found a very subtle connection to the way I had felt. It took me a long time to realize it, but that girl who went through all those trails didn't go through them alone. Even when I chose to ignore that God was there to help, it didn't change the fact that He never left my side.
The older I get, the more I grow in my relationship with God, the more I see that he really does steady me. "Lover of my soul; Healer of my scars" He heals my scars, He nourishes my body, He makes me whole. Pretty neat stuff huh?
I hope you are enjoying this journey as much as I am!
Nourished,
Lacy Brianne
Lean on Me - Day 4
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" Proverbs 3:5
This is one of my absolute favorite verses, and I think that is partially attributed to by the fact that I have such a hard time with it.
You see, I don't really have trust issues so-to-speak, but I am definitely a micro-manager. I like to plan things out and know where things are going. I guess you could say that's a weakness of mine. I trust that God is going to work everything out, but I really like knowing what the "everything" is defined as exactly. I want to know the end result so I can plan how to get there.
That's why I like this verse so much. Because I know God isn't letting me in on the end result, so that the path I take to get there will not be my own but His.
Despite this realization, I often overstep my bounds in my very conversational relationship with God. I talk while He listens, He talks, and sometimes I talk back, like a teenager who thinks they know it all but have a lifetime's less experience than the person they are talking back to. In those situations, it has a tendency to end in a "(huffs) FINE, I will do it, but I need you to know that I am not happy about this!!"... and then it always works out.
"In all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight...do not be wise in your own eyes" Proverbs 3:6-7a
In order to allow my life to play out the way God has planned for me, I have to submit. and not in the "I'm doing this because I have to" way, but moreso because I want to. I have to obey, out of reverence. And in this search for wisdom, I must remember that I cannot learn it, it must be given to me.
Trusting and Leaning
Lacy Brianne :)
This is one of my absolute favorite verses, and I think that is partially attributed to by the fact that I have such a hard time with it.
You see, I don't really have trust issues so-to-speak, but I am definitely a micro-manager. I like to plan things out and know where things are going. I guess you could say that's a weakness of mine. I trust that God is going to work everything out, but I really like knowing what the "everything" is defined as exactly. I want to know the end result so I can plan how to get there.
That's why I like this verse so much. Because I know God isn't letting me in on the end result, so that the path I take to get there will not be my own but His.
Despite this realization, I often overstep my bounds in my very conversational relationship with God. I talk while He listens, He talks, and sometimes I talk back, like a teenager who thinks they know it all but have a lifetime's less experience than the person they are talking back to. In those situations, it has a tendency to end in a "(huffs) FINE, I will do it, but I need you to know that I am not happy about this!!"... and then it always works out.
"In all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight...do not be wise in your own eyes" Proverbs 3:6-7a
In order to allow my life to play out the way God has planned for me, I have to submit. and not in the "I'm doing this because I have to" way, but moreso because I want to. I have to obey, out of reverence. And in this search for wisdom, I must remember that I cannot learn it, it must be given to me.
Trusting and Leaning
Lacy Brianne :)
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Those Days
There are days where I just hate the world. Where every bad thing that has ever happened to me builds up and boils me down to nothing. I feel powerless against it.
To be honest, it's not whole days. Well sometimes it is, but not in this case. Today, this evening, it just hit suddenly. It is during times like these that I realize how much anger I still have pent up about things that I thought I had let go of.
And I get angry with myself for the fact that I am still holding on. There are triggers, but I feel that they should have dulled by now, yet some of them are as strong as they were the day after the event.
I realize that there is a Godly way to look at this, yet sometimes, I trip and stumble and find it hard to make the connection. I am such a happy person, well not always happy, but bubbly incandescent, joyful; and it kills me to be angry.
So I had to vent; let some of it out; I had to once again let a little more of it go.
As always,
Lacy Brianne
To be honest, it's not whole days. Well sometimes it is, but not in this case. Today, this evening, it just hit suddenly. It is during times like these that I realize how much anger I still have pent up about things that I thought I had let go of.
And I get angry with myself for the fact that I am still holding on. There are triggers, but I feel that they should have dulled by now, yet some of them are as strong as they were the day after the event.
I realize that there is a Godly way to look at this, yet sometimes, I trip and stumble and find it hard to make the connection. I am such a happy person, well not always happy, but bubbly incandescent, joyful; and it kills me to be angry.
So I had to vent; let some of it out; I had to once again let a little more of it go.
As always,
Lacy Brianne
Friday, November 2, 2012
Fighting with Forgiveness
My devotion today was in Proverbs 1:19-33, and it was full of so many examples of the ways we stray from wisdom and instruction, the ways we fight authority. It shows us that God gets angry with us when we blatantly ignore Him.
I'm going to go off on a bit of a tangent here.
I think a lot of times, we have a skewed view of what it means for God to forgive us when we wrong Him. Yes, His love is unconditional, and yes, He will always forgive us, but I think we rarely stop to actually think how much it hurts Him when we don't listen.
He gets angry, and rightfully so. He gets jealous of all the things we fill our lives with that aren't in Him. and He has promised to forgive us, but that doesn't mean it is always easy for Him to do so.
I met with my d-group for chi alpha tonight and at one point during the night we talked about the meaning of forgiveness. Let me just tell you that it is not easy for me to forgive people sometimes. I tend to be very discerning when it comes to letting go of petty little unimportant things, but when someone really hurts me to the core, I know how to hold a grudge like the best of them.
One such instance is that of my relationship with a boy named Corey. At the beginning, I thought Corey's arrival into my life had been ordained, and little did I know that it had, just not by the One I thought it had been. You see Satan has a conniving way of making you beleive you are getting exactly what you want, with the intention of destroying you along the way.
Corey's dad had started a church in their little home town up near Branson, and so Corey was very involved in church. He had all the right lines memorized, and on the outside, it seemed too good to be true. It was.
While he was perfect out in public, he had a way of making me feel worthless. He wanted me to be this pretty little blonde Barbie doll, and didn't know me well enough to know that that was never going to happen. I've always been strong willed, so no one knew how bad I was hurting while I was with him, because there was no way that I was going to let anyone know I had a flaw. As soon as I was locked away in my room though, it was an entirely different story.
I spent countless nights crying myself to sleep.
and wondering why I wasn't good enough.
On my 18th birthday, some terrible things happened, the sort of things that leave deep scars.
and to make a long story much shorter, it took me the better part of a year to recover my self-image and realize that I was more than just damaged goods. That I was worth something.
Now, I am not writing all this for the purpose of outing that boy, or tarnishing his name. I doubt he will ever even know it was written. The purpose of this is so that you might see that according to the human race, I have every reason to hold a grudge. To hate this boy.
And yet I want, with everything in me, to forgive him. I have spent so much time and wasted so much energy holding that grudge. I am ready to let it go; to be free from how hurt I was. In very American terms, I am ready for some closure; not the let's sit down and have a heart-to-heart kind, (because I really feel it would be a terrible idea ever to come into contact with him again) but just knowing that I've closed the book. I am ready to forgive.
It may not happen tonight, or tomorrow, or even this week, but soon. Because God tells us to forgive. and in Proverbs 1:23 He tells us to "come and listen to my counsel. I'll share my heart with you and make you wise." So I am done fighting the urge to forgive. I am forgiving.
Love always,
Lacy Brianne
I'm going to go off on a bit of a tangent here.
I think a lot of times, we have a skewed view of what it means for God to forgive us when we wrong Him. Yes, His love is unconditional, and yes, He will always forgive us, but I think we rarely stop to actually think how much it hurts Him when we don't listen.
He gets angry, and rightfully so. He gets jealous of all the things we fill our lives with that aren't in Him. and He has promised to forgive us, but that doesn't mean it is always easy for Him to do so.
I met with my d-group for chi alpha tonight and at one point during the night we talked about the meaning of forgiveness. Let me just tell you that it is not easy for me to forgive people sometimes. I tend to be very discerning when it comes to letting go of petty little unimportant things, but when someone really hurts me to the core, I know how to hold a grudge like the best of them.
One such instance is that of my relationship with a boy named Corey. At the beginning, I thought Corey's arrival into my life had been ordained, and little did I know that it had, just not by the One I thought it had been. You see Satan has a conniving way of making you beleive you are getting exactly what you want, with the intention of destroying you along the way.
Corey's dad had started a church in their little home town up near Branson, and so Corey was very involved in church. He had all the right lines memorized, and on the outside, it seemed too good to be true. It was.
While he was perfect out in public, he had a way of making me feel worthless. He wanted me to be this pretty little blonde Barbie doll, and didn't know me well enough to know that that was never going to happen. I've always been strong willed, so no one knew how bad I was hurting while I was with him, because there was no way that I was going to let anyone know I had a flaw. As soon as I was locked away in my room though, it was an entirely different story.
I spent countless nights crying myself to sleep.
and wondering why I wasn't good enough.
On my 18th birthday, some terrible things happened, the sort of things that leave deep scars.
and to make a long story much shorter, it took me the better part of a year to recover my self-image and realize that I was more than just damaged goods. That I was worth something.
Now, I am not writing all this for the purpose of outing that boy, or tarnishing his name. I doubt he will ever even know it was written. The purpose of this is so that you might see that according to the human race, I have every reason to hold a grudge. To hate this boy.
And yet I want, with everything in me, to forgive him. I have spent so much time and wasted so much energy holding that grudge. I am ready to let it go; to be free from how hurt I was. In very American terms, I am ready for some closure; not the let's sit down and have a heart-to-heart kind, (because I really feel it would be a terrible idea ever to come into contact with him again) but just knowing that I've closed the book. I am ready to forgive.
It may not happen tonight, or tomorrow, or even this week, but soon. Because God tells us to forgive. and in Proverbs 1:23 He tells us to "come and listen to my counsel. I'll share my heart with you and make you wise." So I am done fighting the urge to forgive. I am forgiving.
Love always,
Lacy Brianne
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Wisdom? I think yes! Day 2
Well, so far this fasting thing is going well!
I haven't had any soda, and my nerves seemed to calm down tremendously (which was a huge relief after feeling like I was developing ADHD minus the attention deficit part!)
If you'd like to follow along with me, my devotion today was Proverbs 1:1-19 and I will be finishing up chapter 1 in the morning!
It really took a lot for me not to buy some article of clothing today while I was out running my various errands, but I didn't, so I felt mildly triumphant!
and with the food, I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF! as we are all fully aware, today is Halloween, which means LOADS of candy. I had a few pieces, but I didn't just continuously eat it all day, and for the most part my choices were healthy! :) That in itself feels like a milestone!
I began my morning with a bowl of honey bunches of oats and my bible :) When I decided to start this journey, God really laid it on my heart to begin reading Proverbs. For those of you who don't know, Proverbs was largely written by Solomon, who is said to be the wisest man to ever walk the Earth, meaning that there should be a lot of wisdom burried in that book.
And I intend to find it.
This was my favorite verse from my devotion today:
Let the wise listen and add to their learning, let the discerning get guidance, for understanding proverbs and parables, the sayings and riddles of the wise. (Proverbs 1:5-6)
I like it because in a way it feels like a prologue to this new chapter of my life, and offers instruction to submerse myself in the word, and learn from it, to hold on to it always!
So here we go!
With Love,
Lacy Brianne
I haven't had any soda, and my nerves seemed to calm down tremendously (which was a huge relief after feeling like I was developing ADHD minus the attention deficit part!)
If you'd like to follow along with me, my devotion today was Proverbs 1:1-19 and I will be finishing up chapter 1 in the morning!
It really took a lot for me not to buy some article of clothing today while I was out running my various errands, but I didn't, so I felt mildly triumphant!
and with the food, I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF! as we are all fully aware, today is Halloween, which means LOADS of candy. I had a few pieces, but I didn't just continuously eat it all day, and for the most part my choices were healthy! :) That in itself feels like a milestone!
I began my morning with a bowl of honey bunches of oats and my bible :) When I decided to start this journey, God really laid it on my heart to begin reading Proverbs. For those of you who don't know, Proverbs was largely written by Solomon, who is said to be the wisest man to ever walk the Earth, meaning that there should be a lot of wisdom burried in that book.
And I intend to find it.
This was my favorite verse from my devotion today:
Let the wise listen and add to their learning, let the discerning get guidance, for understanding proverbs and parables, the sayings and riddles of the wise. (Proverbs 1:5-6)
I like it because in a way it feels like a prologue to this new chapter of my life, and offers instruction to submerse myself in the word, and learn from it, to hold on to it always!
So here we go!
With Love,
Lacy Brianne
One of Fourty Days of Focus
So short blog tonight, because I really need to try and get some sleep! But this week has been slightly momentous so far, so I had to share.
Back in early September, I joined a group known as Chi Alpha. It's kind of a youth group for college students, but that barely scratches the surface of describing the impact it has on your walk with God. Anyways, I'm part of this group now, and yesterday our oh so fearless leader announced that he and the d-group (small bible study groups) leaders were fasting, in some way shape or form over the next fourty days. And he encouraged us to join.
So I was thinking what all I could cut out of my life, that I don't need or that hiders my relationship with my Lord, and I decided on 3 things
1) Soda - specifically Mtn Dew, because for whatever reason I happy to love the stuff. However, it is EXTREMELY unhealthy for you, so I decided to cut it out.
2) Clothes - okay not all clothes, because we must wear them! But since this summer I have developed a very unhealthy obsession for shopping. I have a walk-in closet FULL of clothes (as in if I am being really lazy, I don't have to wash a single shirt for over four weeks if I change 2-3 times a day...I'm telling you it's bad. But I have vowed to not buy a single article of clothing for myself (unless it is an emergency) for the next fourty days.
3) Food - now I am by no means cutting food out of my life, but I have decided to eat healthier (yogurt instead of pudding; more fruits and veggies; etc.) , and eat less, instead of stuffing myself in the typical American fashion.
Let me just take a second to tell you how Day 1 went:
I found out that having absolutely no caffine makes me beyond hyper. That is like the complete opposite effect that it is supposed to have. I literally could not sit still today. My fingers were drumming on something or my leg was bouncing up and down. I'd start talking, and wouldn't shut up. This was so uncharacteristic of me because I have beyond normal self-control when it comes to my behavior, but I was just crazy all day today.
I actually payed attention to the amount times "Oh I need to go buy this" went through my head today, and while I don't have an exact number for you, after really seeing it, I was quite appalled at myself. This materialism that I have slipped into is filling my life up with unnecessary junk. I don't need half of the things I own. Heck, I don't even really use half of the things I own, so I am even more solidly resolved in my promise than I was before.
Dinner: I ate healthy. I had a salad and a crab cake, and LOVED it. However, I didn't stop when I was full and I ate the entire gargantuan salad, and the whole jumbo crab cake, and had an awful stomachache for the rest of the night. Those foods should not have hurt me as bad as they did, so I think God was kinda pointing out, "Look, we are gonna do this together, and I am going to help you, but you gotta listen to me and your body when we say 'Stop eating, you are full'."
I have also decided that as I go through this, I am going to read through the book of Proverbs as I eat my breakfast in the morning. I really need to start focusing my life better. I need to put my thoughts where they should be, and start my days off the right way.
So, that was a little longer than short, but all-in-all I feel like today was very successful (despite the fact that I have this weird hyperactivity thing going on, but I'm sure we will get that worked out). It was full of discovery, and acknowlegement, and I look forward to what tomorrow brings!
Love,
Lacy Brianne
Back in early September, I joined a group known as Chi Alpha. It's kind of a youth group for college students, but that barely scratches the surface of describing the impact it has on your walk with God. Anyways, I'm part of this group now, and yesterday our oh so fearless leader announced that he and the d-group (small bible study groups) leaders were fasting, in some way shape or form over the next fourty days. And he encouraged us to join.
So I was thinking what all I could cut out of my life, that I don't need or that hiders my relationship with my Lord, and I decided on 3 things
1) Soda - specifically Mtn Dew, because for whatever reason I happy to love the stuff. However, it is EXTREMELY unhealthy for you, so I decided to cut it out.
2) Clothes - okay not all clothes, because we must wear them! But since this summer I have developed a very unhealthy obsession for shopping. I have a walk-in closet FULL of clothes (as in if I am being really lazy, I don't have to wash a single shirt for over four weeks if I change 2-3 times a day...I'm telling you it's bad. But I have vowed to not buy a single article of clothing for myself (unless it is an emergency) for the next fourty days.
3) Food - now I am by no means cutting food out of my life, but I have decided to eat healthier (yogurt instead of pudding; more fruits and veggies; etc.) , and eat less, instead of stuffing myself in the typical American fashion.
Let me just take a second to tell you how Day 1 went:
I found out that having absolutely no caffine makes me beyond hyper. That is like the complete opposite effect that it is supposed to have. I literally could not sit still today. My fingers were drumming on something or my leg was bouncing up and down. I'd start talking, and wouldn't shut up. This was so uncharacteristic of me because I have beyond normal self-control when it comes to my behavior, but I was just crazy all day today.
I actually payed attention to the amount times "Oh I need to go buy this" went through my head today, and while I don't have an exact number for you, after really seeing it, I was quite appalled at myself. This materialism that I have slipped into is filling my life up with unnecessary junk. I don't need half of the things I own. Heck, I don't even really use half of the things I own, so I am even more solidly resolved in my promise than I was before.
Dinner: I ate healthy. I had a salad and a crab cake, and LOVED it. However, I didn't stop when I was full and I ate the entire gargantuan salad, and the whole jumbo crab cake, and had an awful stomachache for the rest of the night. Those foods should not have hurt me as bad as they did, so I think God was kinda pointing out, "Look, we are gonna do this together, and I am going to help you, but you gotta listen to me and your body when we say 'Stop eating, you are full'."
I have also decided that as I go through this, I am going to read through the book of Proverbs as I eat my breakfast in the morning. I really need to start focusing my life better. I need to put my thoughts where they should be, and start my days off the right way.
So, that was a little longer than short, but all-in-all I feel like today was very successful (despite the fact that I have this weird hyperactivity thing going on, but I'm sure we will get that worked out). It was full of discovery, and acknowlegement, and I look forward to what tomorrow brings!
Love,
Lacy Brianne
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
More Beautiful You
Little girl, fouteen, flippin' through a magazine
says she wants to look that way.
but her hair isn't straight, her body isn't fake
and she has always felt overweight.
little girl, fourteen, I wish that you could see
that beauty is within your heart.
you were made with such care;
your skin, your body, and your hair
are perfect just the way they are
There could never be a more beautiful you.
Don't buy the lies, disguises and
hoops they make you jump through.
You were made to fill a purpose,
that only You could do. there could never be
a more beautiful you.
Little girl, twenty-one, the things that you've already done
anything to get ahead.
You say you've got a man, but he's got another plan
only wants what you'll do instead.
Well little girl, twenty-one,
you never thought this day would come;
starve yourself to play the part.
But I can promise you, there is a man who's love is true
who will treat you like the jewel you are.
There could never be a more beautiful you.
Don't buy the lies, disguises and
hoops they make you jump through.
You were made to fill a purpose,
that only You could do. there could never be
a more beautiful you.
I heard this song on the radio tonight on my way home, and although I've loved it since I first heard it over a year ago, it finally struck me how closely those words parallel my life. (If you didn't actually read it, I challenge you to. It'll take you all of thirty seconds.)
You see when I was fourteen, I battled anorexia. Well to be honest, I didn't battle it at all; I welcomed it. I felt vibrant, and clean, and as backward as it sounds, healthy. I had always had self image isssues. I saw myself as a very large girl, and so I wore clothes that were way too big for me when I was younger. I was always telling myself, if only I could be skinny.
Then, of course there was the catalyst. My best friend got very sick, and physically couldn't eat, so she dropped to 98 lbs and I hated myself for being so much bigger than her. I loathed myself. So I stopped eating. I had everything counted out, how many calories are in an apple? 127. A banana? 85. A peice of chocolate? at least 210. Those are just the ones I remember right off the top of my head.
The most disturbing? 1 granola bar: 90 calories 2 sicks of gum: 10 calories.
My total intake every day. For several weeks.
And this was on top of intense cheer workouts and practices, and running to relieve some stress.
Then, I was pulled out of it by my amazing Jesus through a dear friend. Because He loves me. Because He made me; exactly the way he wanted me to be. He created this body I am in and he treasures it. He thinks its perfect.
It stays with you though. The hurt. The self hatred. The guilt for eating. I still fight it, on almost a daily basis. The difference is, I'm fighting. and I refuse to give up.
So let's focus on the second verse of that song. Boys. Boys who pretend to be men, but boys, nonetheless. You see, I have dated so many of them, which makes me sound like a floosy, but it's the honest truth. Summed up by Ren MacCormack from Footloose (2011), I've been kissed a lot. It's not something I'm proud of, but there you go.
and yet, through all those bad relationships; all the times I have been abused, all the times I have been raked over the coals, used and tossed, broken and left to die, I made it out stronger. Because, yet again, my Jesus is there. Drawing me closer toward "my true love" everyday through Himself. That in itself is such a beautiful prospect.
So let me just close with this...the end of this beautiful song. The part that offers up hope; that shows us, no matter what you've done, you're not too far gone. He can always bring you back, and though you have experienced trouble, he can give you renewed innocence despite that experience. He will always love you.
So turn around, you're not too fat
to back away, be who you are.
to change your path; go another way
It's not too late, you can be saved.
If you feel depressed, with past regrets
Those shameful nights, hope to forget
can disappear.
They can all be washed away.
By the ONE who's strong, can right all your wrongs.
He'll rid your fears, dry all your tears.
and change the way you look at this big world.
He can take your dark, distorted view,
and with his Light he'll show you truth.
and again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl.
There could never be a more beautiful You.
Enjoy your morning, afternoon, evening, whenever you happen to be reading this. Hold His promised in your heart.
In Love,
Lacy Brianne
Song credit: More Beautiful You; Jonny Diaz
Friday, October 12, 2012
My little Lexi
There are things in life that I do not understand, and one of these things that puzzles me to death is how siblings become astranged. I don't understand it. The bond between brothers and sisters it that that should rival all.
I will be the first to tell you that at times my three siblings have pushed me almost past the point of sanity, but that doesn't mean I love them any less.
We have had our fair share of fights and agrguments...let me give you some highlights. When we were young, Lexi and I got into a fist fight. Yes, my sweet little sister, and sweet little me, threw man punches right into each others faces. When mom saw us however, she was not all for the "let them duke it out approach like she would have been if we were boys, but instead hill-billy handcuffed (a.k.a. duct-taped) our wrists together (My right to her left since she is right handed and I am left; with washrags to keep it from sticking to and hurting our skin) and made us clean and do yard work as a team.
Of course we were both still angry with one another, so we did the classic pull-in-opposite-directions-until-we-both-fall-on-our-butts move. When we finally came to terms with the fact that we had to work together, it really strengthened our relationship. We didn't have another real fight until my junior year of high school.
We went to a very tiny high school, and were both lucky enough to be in the "popular crowd." I was pulled in my freshman year, being deemed the "token freshman" by some of the senior basketball players, and was sweet and loveable, and didn't have to put forth much effort to stay in the top crowd. When my junior year rolled around and my baby sister was going to be a freshman, I was beyond excited at the prospect of bringing her in with me.
Unfortunately, at the time, Lexi had it in her head that you had to be really mean and rude and walk on people to stay where you wanted to be, and long story short, she called me a b**** in front of a bunch of people. Of course this spread like wildfire, and we took the argument home, screaming and yelling for a good 10 minutes back and forth in front of our parents, bawling and lashing out. This is the only time I actually remember our parents letting us yell at each other. When I couldn't take anymore, I lowered my voice, and used silky words to cut her straight to the bone, then turned and walked into my room.
Our parents, being the incredible parents that they are took us to opposite floors of the house, Mom with Lexi and Daddy with me; to talk to us. When we had cooled down enough to be in the same room, my dad looked each of us in the eye and told me something I will never forget. "Your sister will be your greatest ally if you let her."
And she has been ever since.
My sister means more than the world to me. She is a confidant and friend, but even moreso than that, she is a support system. I will be eternally grateful for her.
Which is why I think it is so important to convey the fact that you need your siblings. God gave them to you for a reason. There is no point in being so stubborn that you cannot accept the gift that you have in them.
Now I realize that there are some extenuating circumstances out there where it really is important that the person separate themselves from their biological family for the sake of their own safety and I am not in any way shape or form refering to those; but eternally separating yourself from your own flesh and blood for petty reasons and manuverable disagreements seems so ridiculous to me, because I have been there. I know what it takes to get through them.
And I know that the journey is so much easier with a hiking buddy.
So my challenge to you is to put aside your differences. Consciously choose to make an effort to unburn bridges that were destroyed in the past. I truly believe you will never be sorry you did.
Just some thoughts!
Lacy Brianne
I will be the first to tell you that at times my three siblings have pushed me almost past the point of sanity, but that doesn't mean I love them any less.
We have had our fair share of fights and agrguments...let me give you some highlights. When we were young, Lexi and I got into a fist fight. Yes, my sweet little sister, and sweet little me, threw man punches right into each others faces. When mom saw us however, she was not all for the "let them duke it out approach like she would have been if we were boys, but instead hill-billy handcuffed (a.k.a. duct-taped) our wrists together (My right to her left since she is right handed and I am left; with washrags to keep it from sticking to and hurting our skin) and made us clean and do yard work as a team.
Of course we were both still angry with one another, so we did the classic pull-in-opposite-directions-until-we-both-fall-on-our-butts move. When we finally came to terms with the fact that we had to work together, it really strengthened our relationship. We didn't have another real fight until my junior year of high school.
We went to a very tiny high school, and were both lucky enough to be in the "popular crowd." I was pulled in my freshman year, being deemed the "token freshman" by some of the senior basketball players, and was sweet and loveable, and didn't have to put forth much effort to stay in the top crowd. When my junior year rolled around and my baby sister was going to be a freshman, I was beyond excited at the prospect of bringing her in with me.
Unfortunately, at the time, Lexi had it in her head that you had to be really mean and rude and walk on people to stay where you wanted to be, and long story short, she called me a b**** in front of a bunch of people. Of course this spread like wildfire, and we took the argument home, screaming and yelling for a good 10 minutes back and forth in front of our parents, bawling and lashing out. This is the only time I actually remember our parents letting us yell at each other. When I couldn't take anymore, I lowered my voice, and used silky words to cut her straight to the bone, then turned and walked into my room.
Our parents, being the incredible parents that they are took us to opposite floors of the house, Mom with Lexi and Daddy with me; to talk to us. When we had cooled down enough to be in the same room, my dad looked each of us in the eye and told me something I will never forget. "Your sister will be your greatest ally if you let her."
And she has been ever since.
My sister means more than the world to me. She is a confidant and friend, but even moreso than that, she is a support system. I will be eternally grateful for her.
Which is why I think it is so important to convey the fact that you need your siblings. God gave them to you for a reason. There is no point in being so stubborn that you cannot accept the gift that you have in them.
Now I realize that there are some extenuating circumstances out there where it really is important that the person separate themselves from their biological family for the sake of their own safety and I am not in any way shape or form refering to those; but eternally separating yourself from your own flesh and blood for petty reasons and manuverable disagreements seems so ridiculous to me, because I have been there. I know what it takes to get through them.
And I know that the journey is so much easier with a hiking buddy.
So my challenge to you is to put aside your differences. Consciously choose to make an effort to unburn bridges that were destroyed in the past. I truly believe you will never be sorry you did.
Just some thoughts!
Lacy Brianne
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
A Man after God's Own Heart
Recently I have been discovering my identity in Christ, and let me just tell you that it has been a glorious journey so far. Along with that I have discovered that I am not just "Lacy Potter - Straight A Student, Banker, and Aspiring Financial Coordinator"
I am "Lacy - Sister, Daughter, Lover of People, Child of The King"
In the days to come, if He so wishes, I will add to that list "Wife, Mother, Grandmother" Knowing these things and re-shifting my focus has really brought a lot of peace. Not looking for a man but waiting for God bring me one has been surprisingly easier than I expected it to be, because I was no longer looking for the qualities in a man that could be related to Godly aspects. I have begun to truly rely on my Savior to give me who he wants me to be with.
A few weeks ago I was having a conversation with David, and he stated a verse to me. That same verse had been stated to me the week before by a guy that I once thought I knew, and the difference in the significance of the impact that was left nearly floored me. Hearing a verse out of the mouth of a man you know is walking with God will leave an imprint far deeper than the mere words recited by a boy who knows all the right words, but whose follow through is a little less than mediocre.
As I sat meditating on this, I realized that this had happened on a couple different occasions, and each time the verse that I held tight to was the one that God spoke out of the mouth of a man following Him. Those men may or may not remember those instances, simply because they were allowing themselves to be a vessel for God to use to speak to me.
Their hearts and the Heart of my Lord were one.
My cousin's mother-in-law gave me some of the most excellent advice a couple weeks ago.*
“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.”
With that advice in mind, I decided to use my Lord as a fortress to guard my heart. So the walls that I put up, are not the typical ones that must be worn down over time, or knocked through by a man who sets out to conquer my heart. The gate is locked with a key, and my Christ is the keeper of that key, so in order to obtain it, a man must know God well enough to ask for it.
Therefore that man must be a man after God's own heart.
He may not know where he is headed, taking one day at a time,
He may have his life planned out, and be certain that this is the next step,
He may be broke, or rich, a night owl or a morning person,
He may be a quiet intellectual, or have an outgoing personality
But none of that matters to me, as long as he loves and trusts in the Lord, everything else will fall smoothly into place.
Blessings!
Lacy Brianne :)
*a side note to this: I am so very thankful for this woman. God has impeccable timing when it comes to knowing who you need in your life, and I am so lucky that God placed my cousin-in-law into my cousin's life, so that I would be gifted with one of the wisest, most patient, caring, and encouraging women on the planet, as a relative. You are very dear to my heart, Cheri!
I am "Lacy - Sister, Daughter, Lover of People, Child of The King"
In the days to come, if He so wishes, I will add to that list "Wife, Mother, Grandmother" Knowing these things and re-shifting my focus has really brought a lot of peace. Not looking for a man but waiting for God bring me one has been surprisingly easier than I expected it to be, because I was no longer looking for the qualities in a man that could be related to Godly aspects. I have begun to truly rely on my Savior to give me who he wants me to be with.
A few weeks ago I was having a conversation with David, and he stated a verse to me. That same verse had been stated to me the week before by a guy that I once thought I knew, and the difference in the significance of the impact that was left nearly floored me. Hearing a verse out of the mouth of a man you know is walking with God will leave an imprint far deeper than the mere words recited by a boy who knows all the right words, but whose follow through is a little less than mediocre.
As I sat meditating on this, I realized that this had happened on a couple different occasions, and each time the verse that I held tight to was the one that God spoke out of the mouth of a man following Him. Those men may or may not remember those instances, simply because they were allowing themselves to be a vessel for God to use to speak to me.
Their hearts and the Heart of my Lord were one.
My cousin's mother-in-law gave me some of the most excellent advice a couple weeks ago.*
“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.”
With that advice in mind, I decided to use my Lord as a fortress to guard my heart. So the walls that I put up, are not the typical ones that must be worn down over time, or knocked through by a man who sets out to conquer my heart. The gate is locked with a key, and my Christ is the keeper of that key, so in order to obtain it, a man must know God well enough to ask for it.
Therefore that man must be a man after God's own heart.
He may not know where he is headed, taking one day at a time,
He may have his life planned out, and be certain that this is the next step,
He may be broke, or rich, a night owl or a morning person,
He may be a quiet intellectual, or have an outgoing personality
But none of that matters to me, as long as he loves and trusts in the Lord, everything else will fall smoothly into place.
Blessings!
Lacy Brianne :)
*a side note to this: I am so very thankful for this woman. God has impeccable timing when it comes to knowing who you need in your life, and I am so lucky that God placed my cousin-in-law into my cousin's life, so that I would be gifted with one of the wisest, most patient, caring, and encouraging women on the planet, as a relative. You are very dear to my heart, Cheri!
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Preparation
There are moments when you just need to stop, and allow yourself to think. To give your brain time to sort through all the craziness that consumes life. My quiet place is the shower. I love it when the water rushes over my ears, blocking out the rest of the world and leaves me alone to my thoughts. It is also cleansing for me, in a symbolic way.
You see my thoughts have a tendency to run away with me. Things I've let go of try to resurface sometimes, but having the water run over me I feel that I can literally wash them down the drain, clearing my head so I have room to meditate on the good or profound stuff that is happening.
This morning the thought that jumped into my head was "prepare." A couple days ago, I put a status up on FB about being content to wait for a man to come into my life, and an old friend commented on it. Mind you, this friend is male, and knowing that something like this can come from a guy my age is proof that there are more out there who have this mentality. One of them was made for me. He simply stated: "Not only wait, hopefully that man is preparing himself to the man and husband God wants him to be. You too should prepare. :)"
And so the preparing has commenced. I will guard my heart with my God, and only he who is mine shall be able to find it.
Promises!
Lacy Brianne
You see my thoughts have a tendency to run away with me. Things I've let go of try to resurface sometimes, but having the water run over me I feel that I can literally wash them down the drain, clearing my head so I have room to meditate on the good or profound stuff that is happening.
This morning the thought that jumped into my head was "prepare." A couple days ago, I put a status up on FB about being content to wait for a man to come into my life, and an old friend commented on it. Mind you, this friend is male, and knowing that something like this can come from a guy my age is proof that there are more out there who have this mentality. One of them was made for me. He simply stated: "Not only wait, hopefully that man is preparing himself to the man and husband God wants him to be. You too should prepare. :)"
And so the preparing has commenced. I will guard my heart with my God, and only he who is mine shall be able to find it.
Promises!
Lacy Brianne
Saturday, August 25, 2012
A Compass
If you go through all of my facebook pictures, you will notice that I wear a necklace that has the face of a compass...it was a gift from my "big brother" david, about five years ago. I wear it almost constantly, and there is a wonderful story behind it. When it was given to me, I was told that it represents God's direction in your life. Like true North, God is the magnetic force that you should choose to allow to guide your path.
Well today I had an older man ask me about it...the conversation went a little something like this:
"Is that a compass you're wearing?"
"Yes" (as i hold it out for inspection)
"That is so intriguing. I have a degree in geography, so things like that catch my eye. It's beautiful"
I thanked him and then proceeded to tell him where it came from and the meaning behind it. He chuckled a bit, and then looked me straight in the eye and said, "You know, when people ask me if they can get me something, or if I need anything, I often reply that I need direction in my life." He chuckled again, and I couldn't help but think, that maybe someone had already planted a seed, and maybe, just maybe, it was my turn to water it.
Its kinda neat, meeting all the people God has put along my path.
Well today I had an older man ask me about it...the conversation went a little something like this:
"Is that a compass you're wearing?"
"Yes" (as i hold it out for inspection)
"That is so intriguing. I have a degree in geography, so things like that catch my eye. It's beautiful"
I thanked him and then proceeded to tell him where it came from and the meaning behind it. He chuckled a bit, and then looked me straight in the eye and said, "You know, when people ask me if they can get me something, or if I need anything, I often reply that I need direction in my life." He chuckled again, and I couldn't help but think, that maybe someone had already planted a seed, and maybe, just maybe, it was my turn to water it.
Its kinda neat, meeting all the people God has put along my path.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Weed-Wacking
Yesterday I had the opportunity to spend some amazing quality time with one of my "other families." The Stackhouse family has been a huge part of my life since...well, since I was born. You see I am the oldest of four children, so I don't have any older blood-siblings. However, family is who you make it, and in that sense, I have an older brother, David, and an older sister, Lynsey.
I have always been extremely attached to these two individuals. I used to cry because I didn't want to leave their house (which I have now outgrown.) Lynsey and I have always been close, sharing toys and clothes when we were together, thoughts and memories as we got older, and dreams and plans as we went out into the world "on our own." Some days were filled with laughter, others with tears, but we have made it this far and I can't wait to see what more God has in store for each of us :)
Yet, while having an older sister is a wonderful thing, the bond that a young lady can have with her older brother is nothing short of amazing. David and I have always had an extremely unique relationship. There is five years between the two of us, and since we spent the majority of our childhoods living at least three hours apart, we never went through the "Mom! She's annoying me!/He's being mean to me!" phases.
From the beginning, David took me under his wing, and was a sort of nurturer. When he was a senior in high school, my family took a trip to see his, and as everyone else was getting ready for bed, he grabbed his keys and took me to Starbucks. The conversation that would follow was the first of many marking major milestones in my life. You see I was twelve at the time, and he knew that in the next few months, I would be hitting those hard teen years, where no matter what you do, it feels like some part of your world is about to fall apart. He wanted to make sure that I knew where my foundation needed to be. We were all raised in church, but growing up a church-goer doesn't make you a believer. That was the concept he shared with me that night, and though I already knew that, it put things in a very new and different light for me.
Having had a hundred conversations over the years, I can honestly tell you that it didn't surprise me a bit when David announced that he was going to Seminary. You see, he has been blessed with the gift of wisdom, and throughout my life, has made certain that he never misses an opportunity to share a bit of it with me. We have had many many conversations like that since then, but last night's conversation took an unexpected turn. I was asking questions about his organization, SOMA, and we started talking about the hopes that I have to one day start an eating disorder clinic/rehab, and to make a long story shorter, and we ended up talking about my battle with anorexia. but it was not the normal conversation I have with people when they ask me about my disease. David took on a whole new perspective, and compared it, and the (previous) constant presence of a boyfriend in my life, to that of a hollywood actress.
You see the point that he presented to me was that the eating disorder itself was not the problem. The boyfriends were not the problem. The uncertainty about a dream I've had was not the problem. So while I could cut those things out of my life, I wouldn't ever really be rid of them, until I faced what the real problem was; like weed-wacking, or trimming a hedge, only to have it grow back scraggly and more full again and again.
So he posed the question "what is the real problem?" I just looked at him very confused for a long moment, knowing he was right, but not seeing how.
"Let me put it to you like this. I think you're trying to work the math problem backwards." He held out his hand in a cupped position as if he were holding the problem in it. "You can trim away at the hedge all day long and you are still going to have a hedge unless you pull it up by the root. Your problem, is that you lack the understanding of your own identity in Christ. You don't know who you are."
Well that really hit home, because like I said, he was right. I spend so much time feeling like a lost traveler, knowing I need to be somewhere, but blindly walking on a journey, without enough faith to see that I have a destination. Logically, the idea would be to trim away at the hedge so that you can see the trunk more clearly, which may very well be a necessary step. But it can't stop there. because unless you get rid of the bad root, the effects that you initially see as real problems are going to continue to come back. You have to throw away the bad root. Kill the part of you that disgusts yourself, and have complete faith that God is going to make the New you whole and good.
We had a long discussion about all the things we have done, that we are ashamed of, or that we have had a hard time forgiving ourselves for, things that make us unhappy or disgusted with ourselves. And I talked about how becoming close to people is not easy for me, because when you are upset with yourself, and you tell your best friend, you don't have to rehash all that bad stuff to get them to understand why you feel the way you do. and yet again, David gave me one of the most profound statements I have ever heard.
"Maybe, that is part of the healing. Maybe, rehashing all that bad stuff, maybe letting your guard down enough to let someone new in is how you overcome everything that you harbor on the inside."
Maybe, just maybe, this is where the healing begins.
David prayed for me and with me, and then hugged me, and said "okay, I'll let you talk to him now." Then he walked back inside and left me standing on the back of a houseboat staring at the stars with nothing obstructing my direct line to God. and I prayed. and cried. and really truly came to know what it meant to be broken. You see, I wasn't broken by God. I was broken by the fact that I had to bring before him all the blood on my hands, and say Daddy, wash it off.
But after that happened, a peace fell over me. A peace like I have never felt before. and the old hym "it is well with my soul" popped into my head. A star shot across the sky, and I was yet again in absolute awe of how majestic my Savior is; how incredible his forgiveness is; how much he cares for me.
So, I may not know the next step. I may not be sure of what is going to happen, and I may be terrified at times, but I guarantee you one thing, I am going to have enough faith that when I tell that mountain not to "move," but to "Jump," it is going to say "How High?" and I am going to spend my days worshipping the God, who Loves me.
Redeemed and Renewed,
Lacy
I have always been extremely attached to these two individuals. I used to cry because I didn't want to leave their house (which I have now outgrown.) Lynsey and I have always been close, sharing toys and clothes when we were together, thoughts and memories as we got older, and dreams and plans as we went out into the world "on our own." Some days were filled with laughter, others with tears, but we have made it this far and I can't wait to see what more God has in store for each of us :)
Yet, while having an older sister is a wonderful thing, the bond that a young lady can have with her older brother is nothing short of amazing. David and I have always had an extremely unique relationship. There is five years between the two of us, and since we spent the majority of our childhoods living at least three hours apart, we never went through the "Mom! She's annoying me!/He's being mean to me!" phases.
From the beginning, David took me under his wing, and was a sort of nurturer. When he was a senior in high school, my family took a trip to see his, and as everyone else was getting ready for bed, he grabbed his keys and took me to Starbucks. The conversation that would follow was the first of many marking major milestones in my life. You see I was twelve at the time, and he knew that in the next few months, I would be hitting those hard teen years, where no matter what you do, it feels like some part of your world is about to fall apart. He wanted to make sure that I knew where my foundation needed to be. We were all raised in church, but growing up a church-goer doesn't make you a believer. That was the concept he shared with me that night, and though I already knew that, it put things in a very new and different light for me.
Having had a hundred conversations over the years, I can honestly tell you that it didn't surprise me a bit when David announced that he was going to Seminary. You see, he has been blessed with the gift of wisdom, and throughout my life, has made certain that he never misses an opportunity to share a bit of it with me. We have had many many conversations like that since then, but last night's conversation took an unexpected turn. I was asking questions about his organization, SOMA, and we started talking about the hopes that I have to one day start an eating disorder clinic/rehab, and to make a long story shorter, and we ended up talking about my battle with anorexia. but it was not the normal conversation I have with people when they ask me about my disease. David took on a whole new perspective, and compared it, and the (previous) constant presence of a boyfriend in my life, to that of a hollywood actress.
You see the point that he presented to me was that the eating disorder itself was not the problem. The boyfriends were not the problem. The uncertainty about a dream I've had was not the problem. So while I could cut those things out of my life, I wouldn't ever really be rid of them, until I faced what the real problem was; like weed-wacking, or trimming a hedge, only to have it grow back scraggly and more full again and again.
So he posed the question "what is the real problem?" I just looked at him very confused for a long moment, knowing he was right, but not seeing how.
"Let me put it to you like this. I think you're trying to work the math problem backwards." He held out his hand in a cupped position as if he were holding the problem in it. "You can trim away at the hedge all day long and you are still going to have a hedge unless you pull it up by the root. Your problem, is that you lack the understanding of your own identity in Christ. You don't know who you are."
Well that really hit home, because like I said, he was right. I spend so much time feeling like a lost traveler, knowing I need to be somewhere, but blindly walking on a journey, without enough faith to see that I have a destination. Logically, the idea would be to trim away at the hedge so that you can see the trunk more clearly, which may very well be a necessary step. But it can't stop there. because unless you get rid of the bad root, the effects that you initially see as real problems are going to continue to come back. You have to throw away the bad root. Kill the part of you that disgusts yourself, and have complete faith that God is going to make the New you whole and good.
We had a long discussion about all the things we have done, that we are ashamed of, or that we have had a hard time forgiving ourselves for, things that make us unhappy or disgusted with ourselves. And I talked about how becoming close to people is not easy for me, because when you are upset with yourself, and you tell your best friend, you don't have to rehash all that bad stuff to get them to understand why you feel the way you do. and yet again, David gave me one of the most profound statements I have ever heard.
"Maybe, that is part of the healing. Maybe, rehashing all that bad stuff, maybe letting your guard down enough to let someone new in is how you overcome everything that you harbor on the inside."
Maybe, just maybe, this is where the healing begins.
David prayed for me and with me, and then hugged me, and said "okay, I'll let you talk to him now." Then he walked back inside and left me standing on the back of a houseboat staring at the stars with nothing obstructing my direct line to God. and I prayed. and cried. and really truly came to know what it meant to be broken. You see, I wasn't broken by God. I was broken by the fact that I had to bring before him all the blood on my hands, and say Daddy, wash it off.
But after that happened, a peace fell over me. A peace like I have never felt before. and the old hym "it is well with my soul" popped into my head. A star shot across the sky, and I was yet again in absolute awe of how majestic my Savior is; how incredible his forgiveness is; how much he cares for me.
So, I may not know the next step. I may not be sure of what is going to happen, and I may be terrified at times, but I guarantee you one thing, I am going to have enough faith that when I tell that mountain not to "move," but to "Jump," it is going to say "How High?" and I am going to spend my days worshipping the God, who Loves me.
Redeemed and Renewed,
Lacy
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
True beauty :)
Throughout my day at work, I meet a lot of people, and seeing as it is easier to remember these people from time to time if you notice something unique about them, I make it a point during our short interactions to find something memorable about each person. Today, this beautiful black woman walked in. Her complexion was extremely clear, she was tall and slender, and she had a beautiful smile.
In my line of work, appearance is very important. Beauty isn't necessary, but it doesn't hurt either. I have spent years and years being envious of the beauty of those around me. I suffered for a long time with my personal image, and still do though not nearly to the extent that I did in the past. However, having the pressure to constantly exude an outward beauty is not easy at all.
Which brings us back to the beautiful lady in the lobby today. During my interaction with her, I discovered that she not only had a gorgeous outward appearance, but a bubbly personality as well. She was beyond gracious. She was thankful and happy and just a joy to be around. I found myself craving that beauty, wanting to be able to feel it from the center of my core. I found myself wanting others to notice those same characteristics in my own being.
A few hours after the lady left, she called to check her balance. I had the honor of helping her yet again, and before we hung up, she thanked me, and told me that I was so sweet and beautiful.
One last thing I forgot to mention...She was completely blind, and that gift has allowed her to see clearer than anyone I have ever come in contact with. THAT is the kind of beauty I want to spend everyday striving for.
In my line of work, appearance is very important. Beauty isn't necessary, but it doesn't hurt either. I have spent years and years being envious of the beauty of those around me. I suffered for a long time with my personal image, and still do though not nearly to the extent that I did in the past. However, having the pressure to constantly exude an outward beauty is not easy at all.
Which brings us back to the beautiful lady in the lobby today. During my interaction with her, I discovered that she not only had a gorgeous outward appearance, but a bubbly personality as well. She was beyond gracious. She was thankful and happy and just a joy to be around. I found myself craving that beauty, wanting to be able to feel it from the center of my core. I found myself wanting others to notice those same characteristics in my own being.
A few hours after the lady left, she called to check her balance. I had the honor of helping her yet again, and before we hung up, she thanked me, and told me that I was so sweet and beautiful.
One last thing I forgot to mention...She was completely blind, and that gift has allowed her to see clearer than anyone I have ever come in contact with. THAT is the kind of beauty I want to spend everyday striving for.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Oh the Olympics :) London 2012
There is a time once every four years, where the world takes two weeks to forget everything that clogs everyday life, cross all the borders, and draw together in the spirit of The Games.
For generations, the Olympic Games themselves and all the athletes who compete in them have offered relief in times of trouble and conflict. They have been a distraction from the toils and trials that come into our lives. Above all, they have inspired. Inspired us to do our best, to push ourselves just a little further, to strive to reach that next bar, whether that be in athletics, in our schools, or in our workplaces. They are the elite, and they represent the potential we all have inside of us.
Every now and then, there is one Olympic athlete who rises above the rest.
Now, it is no secret that I am a huge fan of Michael Phelps. I find him to be a source of inspiration in my own life, and no, it's not because of the fact that he is a beast in the swimming pool. Granted, that was what snagged my attention in the first place, but if you look deeper, you will find that as is true with most cases, there is much more than meets the eye.
The world was beyond intrigued after Bejing, when Phelps blew absolutely every record out of the water (literally.) However, while it is amazing to revel in the fact that Olympians are super human, we must also remember that they are just as human as you and I. Americans were beyond disappointed when a photo surfaced of Michael at a party. But that was where the story got even more intriguing to me. Phelps lost his endorsements, got suspended from the U.S. swim team, and kind of fell off the surface of the earth for a while.
Now many people would have blamed it on the fact that they had no childhood because of all the grueling training they went through, or threw in the towel, knowing that they already had the most gold medals from one athlete in a single Olympics in history. Instead, Phelps took the time to refocus...and long story short came back to break even more Olympic records. Never in history had a swimmer won 3 Olympic golds in the same event...Phelps did it twice. Then he smashed the 48 year old record for the most medals won by a single Olympian. Previously, the record had been 18 medals. Phelps now has 18 Gold, 2 Silver, 2 Bronze for a total of 22.
In his "Goodbye" interview, Phelps humbled himself in front of the nation, admiting his faults, taking responsibility for his defeats, and most importantly, CeLeBrAtInG his accomplishments, stating that he could honestly look back "and not say 'What if.'" I feel that that is cause for celebration.
More history was made when yet again Jamaica's Usain Bolt broke world records as the fastest man in the world, and for the first time ever, a double amputee ran against able bodied competitors. The best part of that? Besides breaking down the barrier, he accomplished his own goals by making the semi finals in his event.
That, accompanied by Misty Mae Treanor, and Kerri Walsh-Jennings three-peat golds in sand volleyball, Missy Franklin, Ryan Lochte, Nathan Adrian, Dana Vollmer and the rest of the swim team's incredible performances in the pool, The Fab Five's all-around Gold and our soaring men in gymnastics, and all the other countless (104 to be exact) medals we won, out medaling everyone else, not just in total, but in all three separate medals (46 gold, 29 silver, 29 bronze) as well, should give the United States plenty of reason to be filled with pride and joy.
Congrats to all the Olympians who broke down walls, raced longer. Ran faster. Swam harder. Flew higher. You made it! You did it! You've inspired us all :) I wish you the best, and we'll see you in Rio!
For generations, the Olympic Games themselves and all the athletes who compete in them have offered relief in times of trouble and conflict. They have been a distraction from the toils and trials that come into our lives. Above all, they have inspired. Inspired us to do our best, to push ourselves just a little further, to strive to reach that next bar, whether that be in athletics, in our schools, or in our workplaces. They are the elite, and they represent the potential we all have inside of us.
Every now and then, there is one Olympic athlete who rises above the rest.
Now, it is no secret that I am a huge fan of Michael Phelps. I find him to be a source of inspiration in my own life, and no, it's not because of the fact that he is a beast in the swimming pool. Granted, that was what snagged my attention in the first place, but if you look deeper, you will find that as is true with most cases, there is much more than meets the eye.
The world was beyond intrigued after Bejing, when Phelps blew absolutely every record out of the water (literally.) However, while it is amazing to revel in the fact that Olympians are super human, we must also remember that they are just as human as you and I. Americans were beyond disappointed when a photo surfaced of Michael at a party. But that was where the story got even more intriguing to me. Phelps lost his endorsements, got suspended from the U.S. swim team, and kind of fell off the surface of the earth for a while.
Now many people would have blamed it on the fact that they had no childhood because of all the grueling training they went through, or threw in the towel, knowing that they already had the most gold medals from one athlete in a single Olympics in history. Instead, Phelps took the time to refocus...and long story short came back to break even more Olympic records. Never in history had a swimmer won 3 Olympic golds in the same event...Phelps did it twice. Then he smashed the 48 year old record for the most medals won by a single Olympian. Previously, the record had been 18 medals. Phelps now has 18 Gold, 2 Silver, 2 Bronze for a total of 22.
In his "Goodbye" interview, Phelps humbled himself in front of the nation, admiting his faults, taking responsibility for his defeats, and most importantly, CeLeBrAtInG his accomplishments, stating that he could honestly look back "and not say 'What if.'" I feel that that is cause for celebration.
More history was made when yet again Jamaica's Usain Bolt broke world records as the fastest man in the world, and for the first time ever, a double amputee ran against able bodied competitors. The best part of that? Besides breaking down the barrier, he accomplished his own goals by making the semi finals in his event.
That, accompanied by Misty Mae Treanor, and Kerri Walsh-Jennings three-peat golds in sand volleyball, Missy Franklin, Ryan Lochte, Nathan Adrian, Dana Vollmer and the rest of the swim team's incredible performances in the pool, The Fab Five's all-around Gold and our soaring men in gymnastics, and all the other countless (104 to be exact) medals we won, out medaling everyone else, not just in total, but in all three separate medals (46 gold, 29 silver, 29 bronze) as well, should give the United States plenty of reason to be filled with pride and joy.
Congrats to all the Olympians who broke down walls, raced longer. Ran faster. Swam harder. Flew higher. You made it! You did it! You've inspired us all :) I wish you the best, and we'll see you in Rio!
Friday, August 3, 2012
Simply Love
Oh where to even begin?!? I suppose this all started a few weeks ago...
As all of you know, summertime is a wonderful time for teens. You get to take off from school and kick back with friends and yes, have that little summer romance.
Well my "summer romances" have been slightly disasterous to say the very least. Here is a short little run down... The first guy was extremely cynical, but for reasons that I could not understand at the time, I was beyond attracted to him. After the short couple weeks of late night conversations, and the taper off at the end, I finally realized that it was his ambition that I found so attractive.
The second guy was one that I had built up in my head for years, but when I finally got to spend some one-on-one time with him, the outcome resembled that of a big fish that you caught when you were a child and then grow up to realize that it really isn't as big as you remember.
The third was an absolute disaster. He seemed alright at the beginning...smiley, successful parents, really nice car... I went on exactly one date with that guy. As we were driving past our college campus, a campus police officer pulled out behind us, at which point he made the comment that he was glad he took all the weed out of his car before he picked me up. I freaked and promptly told him he could take me home. I absolutely am not about to throw away my brilliant future for a dumb boy who smokes too much.
So I figure three strikes and you're out right. That was my metality when I sat down on my bed and called my "big brother," David. After telling him about how great things were going in the dating department, he came about with his witty and calming sense of complete understanding. There is no better way to describe David than as the most discering man I have ever met. "I have this crazy idea..." he said to me. "Okay, shoot." "How 'bout you just not date anyone for a while."
And there it was. The thoughts that had been spinning uncontrollably inside of my head, netted and molded into a single sentence, awaiting my commitment. Here's the thing though... I have major commitment issues. I have no trouble sticking to something, as long as it's just an idea, something I can mold and change, but once I actually commit, it feels so set in stone, and I begin to feel trapped and start looking for an escape. The idea of actually saying, "I will not date" and following through struck an instant panic inside me.
So I had to decide in a split second what to do, and in the end, there was never really a choice. No comparison in the two outcomes. I was at a fork in the road, knowing that I could continue on the way I was going, or I could veer to the Right; take the path less traveled; and while I had no idea where the journey would lead me, I knew that it was really the only way to go.
Because I was tired of mediocre. Tired of settling for (in the words of the poet Janette...IKZ) those sorta-kinda's. "You know, sorta-kinda right, sorta-kinda wrong. His first name Luke. His last name Warm." Tired of the "close-enough." because you see "The bad thing is that I knew he wasn't you from the beginning. Because in the begining was the word, and he didn't even sound or shine like your Son." So I made the only choice there was to make. I said "Okay."
Now okay can mean so many things, but for me, in that moment, it meant everything. It meant taking a plunge into the great unknown; heading off into uncharted territory; letting go, and trusting God. That one word sealed my committment.
Because I have decided that I want that real Love. You know, the kind with the BIG L. Not the kind you have for music, or painting, or running, or whatever else you do that touches your soul. Not just the kind that you have for best friends, or siblings, or anyone else that holds a special place in your heart. I want the PURE love that comes from waiting and trusting God, and his plan for me. I want that one, THE one...you know that man that God made specifically for me.
I have spent at lot of time over the past few years, on my knees before my Father praying for the man that he has in mind for me. Praying for my husband, knowing that I may not have even met him yet. If I have the faith to do that, then what on Earth would have put the thought in my head that the man created specifically for me would be doing anything less than preparing himself for me. and praying that I may be preparing myself for him as well. Why on Earth would I settle?
I know that he is out there and when we finally discover one another, it will be glorious, just as our Savior planned it to be. So while I am certain that this journey has the potential to be long, I give up all my selfish earthly desires to be held, and I, Lacy Brianne, hereby commit to wait on You, My Lord, to deliver to me, you my husband.
I look forward to having my eyes opened to you, and will be sending prayers your way until then.
With all my Love,
Lacy
P.S. I encourage everyone to check out this video, and really take her words to heart. Strive to be like the women and men listed in those verses. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igCj3jsbcqs&feature=youtube_gdata_player God has really given Janelle a gift for words. I was beyond spoken to by this.
As all of you know, summertime is a wonderful time for teens. You get to take off from school and kick back with friends and yes, have that little summer romance.
Well my "summer romances" have been slightly disasterous to say the very least. Here is a short little run down... The first guy was extremely cynical, but for reasons that I could not understand at the time, I was beyond attracted to him. After the short couple weeks of late night conversations, and the taper off at the end, I finally realized that it was his ambition that I found so attractive.
The second guy was one that I had built up in my head for years, but when I finally got to spend some one-on-one time with him, the outcome resembled that of a big fish that you caught when you were a child and then grow up to realize that it really isn't as big as you remember.
The third was an absolute disaster. He seemed alright at the beginning...smiley, successful parents, really nice car... I went on exactly one date with that guy. As we were driving past our college campus, a campus police officer pulled out behind us, at which point he made the comment that he was glad he took all the weed out of his car before he picked me up. I freaked and promptly told him he could take me home. I absolutely am not about to throw away my brilliant future for a dumb boy who smokes too much.
So I figure three strikes and you're out right. That was my metality when I sat down on my bed and called my "big brother," David. After telling him about how great things were going in the dating department, he came about with his witty and calming sense of complete understanding. There is no better way to describe David than as the most discering man I have ever met. "I have this crazy idea..." he said to me. "Okay, shoot." "How 'bout you just not date anyone for a while."
And there it was. The thoughts that had been spinning uncontrollably inside of my head, netted and molded into a single sentence, awaiting my commitment. Here's the thing though... I have major commitment issues. I have no trouble sticking to something, as long as it's just an idea, something I can mold and change, but once I actually commit, it feels so set in stone, and I begin to feel trapped and start looking for an escape. The idea of actually saying, "I will not date" and following through struck an instant panic inside me.
So I had to decide in a split second what to do, and in the end, there was never really a choice. No comparison in the two outcomes. I was at a fork in the road, knowing that I could continue on the way I was going, or I could veer to the Right; take the path less traveled; and while I had no idea where the journey would lead me, I knew that it was really the only way to go.
Because I was tired of mediocre. Tired of settling for (in the words of the poet Janette...IKZ) those sorta-kinda's. "You know, sorta-kinda right, sorta-kinda wrong. His first name Luke. His last name Warm." Tired of the "close-enough." because you see "The bad thing is that I knew he wasn't you from the beginning. Because in the begining was the word, and he didn't even sound or shine like your Son." So I made the only choice there was to make. I said "Okay."
Now okay can mean so many things, but for me, in that moment, it meant everything. It meant taking a plunge into the great unknown; heading off into uncharted territory; letting go, and trusting God. That one word sealed my committment.
Because I have decided that I want that real Love. You know, the kind with the BIG L. Not the kind you have for music, or painting, or running, or whatever else you do that touches your soul. Not just the kind that you have for best friends, or siblings, or anyone else that holds a special place in your heart. I want the PURE love that comes from waiting and trusting God, and his plan for me. I want that one, THE one...you know that man that God made specifically for me.
I have spent at lot of time over the past few years, on my knees before my Father praying for the man that he has in mind for me. Praying for my husband, knowing that I may not have even met him yet. If I have the faith to do that, then what on Earth would have put the thought in my head that the man created specifically for me would be doing anything less than preparing himself for me. and praying that I may be preparing myself for him as well. Why on Earth would I settle?
I know that he is out there and when we finally discover one another, it will be glorious, just as our Savior planned it to be. So while I am certain that this journey has the potential to be long, I give up all my selfish earthly desires to be held, and I, Lacy Brianne, hereby commit to wait on You, My Lord, to deliver to me, you my husband.
I look forward to having my eyes opened to you, and will be sending prayers your way until then.
With all my Love,
Lacy
P.S. I encourage everyone to check out this video, and really take her words to heart. Strive to be like the women and men listed in those verses. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igCj3jsbcqs&feature=youtube_gdata_player God has really given Janelle a gift for words. I was beyond spoken to by this.
Monday, July 16, 2012
one is the loneliest number...
you know it just kinda drives me nuts sometimes that my mother still treats me like a child. i live on my own and have for over a year. i pay for all of my own stuff (i.e. my apartment, food, gas, and anything else that you can think of, because i hate accepting money from my parents) and im putting myself through school. i work at my grown up banker job and yet there are weeks that go by when my mother and i cannot have a conversation because she yells at me for having an opinion.
now i know that sometimes her demeanor is a direct reflection of how much my younger siblings are driving her crazy, but that doesnt make it any less frustrating. she is my mommy and i miss talking to her, yet i havent been able to have an actual conversation with her in way too long because she is either sleeping or grumpy or too busy to talk. on a whole other level i find this completely disheartening, because she will call and spend hours on the phone with her mother. sometimes i wish i could just have her attention for a good solid twenty minutes, without having to be like "mom, are you there?" "mom? im trying to tell you something" "mom!?!"
i miss her like crazy and this whole being an adult thing is a lot harder than i ever thought it would be. dont get me wrong i love my life and my job and taking care of myself, but sometimes it gets really lonely around here. i miss getting goodnight kisses and sitting on my parents bed and talking to them for a few hours and i miss laying in my bed in the mornings for a few extra minutes after my alarm went off because i knew that if i did mom would come sit on the edge of my bed and sing to me until i woke up.
the hardest part about being so tight knit with your family is leaving them and knowing things wont ever go back. momma i know we wont always agree, but i will always love you.
me
now i know that sometimes her demeanor is a direct reflection of how much my younger siblings are driving her crazy, but that doesnt make it any less frustrating. she is my mommy and i miss talking to her, yet i havent been able to have an actual conversation with her in way too long because she is either sleeping or grumpy or too busy to talk. on a whole other level i find this completely disheartening, because she will call and spend hours on the phone with her mother. sometimes i wish i could just have her attention for a good solid twenty minutes, without having to be like "mom, are you there?" "mom? im trying to tell you something" "mom!?!"
i miss her like crazy and this whole being an adult thing is a lot harder than i ever thought it would be. dont get me wrong i love my life and my job and taking care of myself, but sometimes it gets really lonely around here. i miss getting goodnight kisses and sitting on my parents bed and talking to them for a few hours and i miss laying in my bed in the mornings for a few extra minutes after my alarm went off because i knew that if i did mom would come sit on the edge of my bed and sing to me until i woke up.
the hardest part about being so tight knit with your family is leaving them and knowing things wont ever go back. momma i know we wont always agree, but i will always love you.
me
Friday, July 13, 2012
Small town Saturday night
So on Saturday, Carri got in from Nashville and sent me home for the weekend to get some r&r. It was very nice to be able to go home and have my mommy hold me for a little bit :) The whole weekend in fact was very nice.
When my daddy got home Saturday night, he came up the stairs with a guitar case in his hand. For those of you who know my dad, you already know that this is not an uncommon thing. For those of you don't know my dad, let me just tell you that one of his mulitple dimensions is that he can pick of anything with strings and make it sing. My father is so musically gifted, and in April of last year, I decided I would try to unlock my musical genetics, and picked up his guitar.
When he discovered that I wanted to learn, he put some new strings on my great-great-uncle's guitar, and gave it to me. I was overjoyed, because this thing was a family heirloom and I knew how special it was to him. My great-great-uncle Stubs had given it to my great-grandpa who gave it to my papa who gave it to my daddy who gave it to me with a "when it breaks (not if, but when) we will hang it up and get you a new one". Well, a couple weeks ago, it died, and I cried and called my daddy, who assured me that it would be okay.
Now, I hate asking for expensive things, so I just don't, and considering that guitars are excessively expensive, I didn't know how long it would be before I was able to get a new one. Well, when dad came upstairs with this guitar case in his hand, I was expecting him to pull out his Taylor, and plop down on the couch, pat the spot beside him, so I would curl up close and sing along with his beautiful music.
Instead, he came over and kissed me on my forehead and I gave him a big hug hello, and then he placed the case into my hands and whispered "Happy Birthday" I was sooooooo excited, and when I opened up the case, an acoustic Fender lay inside. It was so gorgeous and I was just so happy :) The sound that came out of it as I strummed across those strings was so bright and cheerful :-) and the fact that the pick was hot pink was just the icing on the cake (how well my daddy knows me). His eyes were just sparkling as he said "I really should have waited until your actual birthday, but I just couldn't." I can't begin to tell you how much that meant to me.
The gift of music is something that will live on forever, and the fact that I can pass that on is more than incredible to me. A father's love is in a field of its own entirely, and it will never cease to amaze me. It is just so awestriking sometimes, and it is something that I have declared to appreciate every moment of every day.
I love you daddy!
Love,
Your little girl
When my daddy got home Saturday night, he came up the stairs with a guitar case in his hand. For those of you who know my dad, you already know that this is not an uncommon thing. For those of you don't know my dad, let me just tell you that one of his mulitple dimensions is that he can pick of anything with strings and make it sing. My father is so musically gifted, and in April of last year, I decided I would try to unlock my musical genetics, and picked up his guitar.
When he discovered that I wanted to learn, he put some new strings on my great-great-uncle's guitar, and gave it to me. I was overjoyed, because this thing was a family heirloom and I knew how special it was to him. My great-great-uncle Stubs had given it to my great-grandpa who gave it to my papa who gave it to my daddy who gave it to me with a "when it breaks (not if, but when) we will hang it up and get you a new one". Well, a couple weeks ago, it died, and I cried and called my daddy, who assured me that it would be okay.
Now, I hate asking for expensive things, so I just don't, and considering that guitars are excessively expensive, I didn't know how long it would be before I was able to get a new one. Well, when dad came upstairs with this guitar case in his hand, I was expecting him to pull out his Taylor, and plop down on the couch, pat the spot beside him, so I would curl up close and sing along with his beautiful music.
Instead, he came over and kissed me on my forehead and I gave him a big hug hello, and then he placed the case into my hands and whispered "Happy Birthday" I was sooooooo excited, and when I opened up the case, an acoustic Fender lay inside. It was so gorgeous and I was just so happy :) The sound that came out of it as I strummed across those strings was so bright and cheerful :-) and the fact that the pick was hot pink was just the icing on the cake (how well my daddy knows me). His eyes were just sparkling as he said "I really should have waited until your actual birthday, but I just couldn't." I can't begin to tell you how much that meant to me.
The gift of music is something that will live on forever, and the fact that I can pass that on is more than incredible to me. A father's love is in a field of its own entirely, and it will never cease to amaze me. It is just so awestriking sometimes, and it is something that I have declared to appreciate every moment of every day.
I love you daddy!
Love,
Your little girl
The rest of the hospital visit...
Sorry its been so long since I posted anything! This past week and a half is very difficult to put into words.
After 8 days in the hospital, Kenzie finally got to go home! She is still on a lot of medicine and in quite a bit of pain (it comes and goes), but they think she may be allergic to gluten, so we are trying a gluten free diet to see if that helps!
You know, Kenzie and I have been through countless hospital visits together, and up until this point, our parents have been there, handling things, so that there was as little stress as possible on us. But this time, her parents were in Nashville, on a mission trip, working for God. And while that in itself is amazing, consequently, Mo and I were left to our own devices. I really was amazed at how well we did. I don't think that either of us could have held it together so well had we not had one another there. Clearly, we weren't alone. God was with us the whole time, and he did some amazing things with our work schedules, so that one of us could be there with Kenz at all times.
I never realized how draining sitting in a hospital chair for hours could be, but it really is. Surprisingly so. And after a few days, I was completely exhausted. Unlike most people though, when I am tired, I am not one to rest. I push myself past the limits, and I find other venues from which to draw my strength. The remarkable thing is, God already knows this about me, so long after I should have crashed, he put some amazing people in my path, and those people found it in themselves to lend me strength.
Last Friday, I had the morning off, so I went to the hospital pretty early and was tucked into the recliner, lightly dozing when a nurse came in to give Kenz her meds. All of the nurses had been very wonderful in their bedside manner, but there was something different about this one. She was the first that seemed to deeply care about Kenzie as a person and not just a patient. It may be the fact that I was drowsy, but I would lable her with the term angelic. She was so sweet, and when she finished taking care of Kenz, she surprisingly turned to me and asked me if she could get me anything. I smiled, genuinely uplifted by the fact that she asked, and was about to tell her thank you so much, but no, when she interrupted and offered me coffee. I was so caught of guard by her random act of kindness, and I promise you that was the best cup of coffee that I have ever had.
Later on that day, a young man came to take her away for one of her tests. I had a few moments to talk to him... and he asked what our relationship was. I thought about that for a moment, considering that best-friend-since-the-age-of-three doesn't exactly cover it, but calling youself "sister" in a hospital can be taken very seriously, so I settled on the relationship we deemed upon ourselves as children. "Cousin." He smiled at me. "How you holding up?" "I'm good. Just tired" Apparently I looked way more than just tired, because he gave me one of those knowing smiles "Well be encouraged. Stay strong." and then he told me he would be praying for her. Yet again I was knocked out of my socks. This guy that I had known for all of 37 seconds had been given the precise words to lift me up and give me the boost I needed to make it through the rest of the journey.
Then when the doctor came in to speak to us, he was competent and calming and even when I had been so upset with him earlier, because of the lack of understanding at why Kenzie was in so much pain, it was clear that he may have actually known what he was doing ;) Every time I began to feel weak again, I would think back on those three instances, and know that no matter how terrible it seemed, God was in this. He was there and he was holding my hand so that I wouldn't land on my face as I tripped and stumbled in exhaustion. and now that she is home, getting to look back, this is definitely making me a stronger person. It's not over yet, but it is easier knowing that God is using this in some way to draw us all closer to him.
With some stubbed toes and scraped knees,
Lacy
After 8 days in the hospital, Kenzie finally got to go home! She is still on a lot of medicine and in quite a bit of pain (it comes and goes), but they think she may be allergic to gluten, so we are trying a gluten free diet to see if that helps!
You know, Kenzie and I have been through countless hospital visits together, and up until this point, our parents have been there, handling things, so that there was as little stress as possible on us. But this time, her parents were in Nashville, on a mission trip, working for God. And while that in itself is amazing, consequently, Mo and I were left to our own devices. I really was amazed at how well we did. I don't think that either of us could have held it together so well had we not had one another there. Clearly, we weren't alone. God was with us the whole time, and he did some amazing things with our work schedules, so that one of us could be there with Kenz at all times.
I never realized how draining sitting in a hospital chair for hours could be, but it really is. Surprisingly so. And after a few days, I was completely exhausted. Unlike most people though, when I am tired, I am not one to rest. I push myself past the limits, and I find other venues from which to draw my strength. The remarkable thing is, God already knows this about me, so long after I should have crashed, he put some amazing people in my path, and those people found it in themselves to lend me strength.
Last Friday, I had the morning off, so I went to the hospital pretty early and was tucked into the recliner, lightly dozing when a nurse came in to give Kenz her meds. All of the nurses had been very wonderful in their bedside manner, but there was something different about this one. She was the first that seemed to deeply care about Kenzie as a person and not just a patient. It may be the fact that I was drowsy, but I would lable her with the term angelic. She was so sweet, and when she finished taking care of Kenz, she surprisingly turned to me and asked me if she could get me anything. I smiled, genuinely uplifted by the fact that she asked, and was about to tell her thank you so much, but no, when she interrupted and offered me coffee. I was so caught of guard by her random act of kindness, and I promise you that was the best cup of coffee that I have ever had.
Later on that day, a young man came to take her away for one of her tests. I had a few moments to talk to him... and he asked what our relationship was. I thought about that for a moment, considering that best-friend-since-the-age-of-three doesn't exactly cover it, but calling youself "sister" in a hospital can be taken very seriously, so I settled on the relationship we deemed upon ourselves as children. "Cousin." He smiled at me. "How you holding up?" "I'm good. Just tired" Apparently I looked way more than just tired, because he gave me one of those knowing smiles "Well be encouraged. Stay strong." and then he told me he would be praying for her. Yet again I was knocked out of my socks. This guy that I had known for all of 37 seconds had been given the precise words to lift me up and give me the boost I needed to make it through the rest of the journey.
Then when the doctor came in to speak to us, he was competent and calming and even when I had been so upset with him earlier, because of the lack of understanding at why Kenzie was in so much pain, it was clear that he may have actually known what he was doing ;) Every time I began to feel weak again, I would think back on those three instances, and know that no matter how terrible it seemed, God was in this. He was there and he was holding my hand so that I wouldn't land on my face as I tripped and stumbled in exhaustion. and now that she is home, getting to look back, this is definitely making me a stronger person. It's not over yet, but it is easier knowing that God is using this in some way to draw us all closer to him.
With some stubbed toes and scraped knees,
Lacy
Thursday, July 5, 2012
My experience with fireworks
I have to say that Independence Day is one of my favorite holidays. Partially because I love summertime, but mostly because I love everything that comes with it. The festive mood everyone is in. The vibrant red, whites, and blues. Old Glory flying high everywhere you look. Picnics, and laying on the ground in the warm summer night air. The promise of patriotism despite politics that seems to hang in the air. and the FIREWORKS. I love fireworks. Yup, DeFiNiTeLy one of my absolute favorite holidays. But, for me, today was not the typical 4th of July. You know, the all-American, red, white, and blue, eat a hot dog and some watermelon on the checkered-cloth-covered picnic table by the barbeque grill, 4th of July? The kind where you pull out the denim picnic blanket after dark and sit on the lawn to watch the fireworks? Well that's not exactly what my day looked like.
You see, last night my venue for the day was changed. I recieved a call around 5:30 letting me know that one of my best friends since childhood, had been put in the hospital. Kenzie and I met when we were 3 and 4 and grew so close over the years that I literally cant remember a time when we haven't refered to one another's parents as "aunt" and "uncle." Needless to say, I was there the second I got off work. I found out that she had been experiencing some major abdominal pain for the last few days, and that the doctors didn't know much, but they were going to run some tests today. After the tests came back, we found out that she has gastritis, which is basically a fancy word for major inflamation of the intestines. That however is not the moral of my story.
A little over a month ago, I had the pleasure of standing next to Kenzie as she married Mo. Well I already knew Mo was an amazing guy, or else I would never have given him permission to marry her ;) but today he showed me, yet again, why he was such a perfect match for her. A month into marriage, one would not really expect to be in the hospital next to one's spouse, yet there he was, in that green recliner, devoted to doing everything he could for her.
Now, hospital visits to Kenzie are kinda like trips to the grocery store for the average granny, they happen about once a week (I'm only exgaggerating a bit) and I, being the lifelong friend, am a pro at this stuff by now. Mo, on the other hand, comes from a healthy family, and so was not exactly accustomed to the situation. He did so well though, and to watch the love and utter devotion in his eyes, was like glimpsing a fireworks show that could not have begun to be paralleled.
So while the "for worse" came before the "for better" and I ate Zaxby's instead of my much craved hot dog, the simple fact that these two young people are so in love made the day more than bearable.
Congratulations again you too, and I pray that "better" gets here swiftly.
Happy Independence Day!
Lacy
You see, last night my venue for the day was changed. I recieved a call around 5:30 letting me know that one of my best friends since childhood, had been put in the hospital. Kenzie and I met when we were 3 and 4 and grew so close over the years that I literally cant remember a time when we haven't refered to one another's parents as "aunt" and "uncle." Needless to say, I was there the second I got off work. I found out that she had been experiencing some major abdominal pain for the last few days, and that the doctors didn't know much, but they were going to run some tests today. After the tests came back, we found out that she has gastritis, which is basically a fancy word for major inflamation of the intestines. That however is not the moral of my story.
A little over a month ago, I had the pleasure of standing next to Kenzie as she married Mo. Well I already knew Mo was an amazing guy, or else I would never have given him permission to marry her ;) but today he showed me, yet again, why he was such a perfect match for her. A month into marriage, one would not really expect to be in the hospital next to one's spouse, yet there he was, in that green recliner, devoted to doing everything he could for her.
Now, hospital visits to Kenzie are kinda like trips to the grocery store for the average granny, they happen about once a week (I'm only exgaggerating a bit) and I, being the lifelong friend, am a pro at this stuff by now. Mo, on the other hand, comes from a healthy family, and so was not exactly accustomed to the situation. He did so well though, and to watch the love and utter devotion in his eyes, was like glimpsing a fireworks show that could not have begun to be paralleled.
So while the "for worse" came before the "for better" and I ate Zaxby's instead of my much craved hot dog, the simple fact that these two young people are so in love made the day more than bearable.
Congratulations again you too, and I pray that "better" gets here swiftly.
Happy Independence Day!
Lacy
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Steadfast
This evening I was having a conversation with my cousin-in-law Mo, while sitting under the sterile lights of the hospital room we were occupying. I was a bit flustered at a text that I had received earlier in the day from a guy that I haven't spoken to in months, due to a large fight we got into, and the fact that I decided there was no point in pretending to be close to someone who you would really rather not be around.
I was aggravated at the way in which this text made it seem like we should just pick up where everything got crazy, and I was expressing my mild aggravation to Mo. He made the comment, "I only keep a handful of close friends" and it really made me think about the handful of extrememly close friends that I do have. Granted, I am very easy to get along with, and am not intimidated by new people, but those who I really keep up with can be written on a very small list, and right at the top is my self proclaimed bestfriendever, Cassy.
If ever there were a girl worthy of everything the world has to offer, it is her. Cassy has one of the biggest hearts of anyone I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. and since our very first, very unorthodox meeting, she has never ceased to amaze me. You see, according to girl law, you are automatically supposed to despise your boyfriend's ex-girlfriends (a large and pointless waste of effort if you ask me.) Well when I first spoke to Cassy, she was dating my "ex-boyfriend," but instead of going about it the way most others would have, she surprised me by being gracious and telling me that she would like to get to know me.
After being friends with her for over a year, we have both come clean about the fact that we only initially began speaking with a "keep your enemies closer" sort of motive, but what we mean for evil, God often uses for good, and out of the ashes rose my best friend. Within an insanely short amount of time, we became inseparable...well despite the fact that we have never lived in the same state. Literally, inseparable. If a day went by where we didn't talk, things just felt odd. and over the course of the last year, she has become like a sister to me.
In so many situations, she has shown herself to be the epitome of selflessness. She gives, and never asks for anything in return. She is strong when I need her to be, yet is not afraid to lean on me for support. She doesnt complain when something comes up and needs to take precidence, but instead moves herself to the backburner and waits patiently until I need her again. She is truely the most amazing friend a girl could ever ask for.
And as I was walking out of the hospital tonight, with the conversation of close friends still weighing heavily on my mind, I noticed a statue of a bronze angel. I'd walked past it four times before actually taking the time to notice it, but there it stood, steadfast, guarding and watching over all the patients, strong and steady just as my bronze-under-the-SoCal-sun best friend has never failed to do for me.
I love you Cassy Ann :)
Lurve,
Lace
I was aggravated at the way in which this text made it seem like we should just pick up where everything got crazy, and I was expressing my mild aggravation to Mo. He made the comment, "I only keep a handful of close friends" and it really made me think about the handful of extrememly close friends that I do have. Granted, I am very easy to get along with, and am not intimidated by new people, but those who I really keep up with can be written on a very small list, and right at the top is my self proclaimed bestfriendever, Cassy.
If ever there were a girl worthy of everything the world has to offer, it is her. Cassy has one of the biggest hearts of anyone I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. and since our very first, very unorthodox meeting, she has never ceased to amaze me. You see, according to girl law, you are automatically supposed to despise your boyfriend's ex-girlfriends (a large and pointless waste of effort if you ask me.) Well when I first spoke to Cassy, she was dating my "ex-boyfriend," but instead of going about it the way most others would have, she surprised me by being gracious and telling me that she would like to get to know me.
After being friends with her for over a year, we have both come clean about the fact that we only initially began speaking with a "keep your enemies closer" sort of motive, but what we mean for evil, God often uses for good, and out of the ashes rose my best friend. Within an insanely short amount of time, we became inseparable...well despite the fact that we have never lived in the same state. Literally, inseparable. If a day went by where we didn't talk, things just felt odd. and over the course of the last year, she has become like a sister to me.
In so many situations, she has shown herself to be the epitome of selflessness. She gives, and never asks for anything in return. She is strong when I need her to be, yet is not afraid to lean on me for support. She doesnt complain when something comes up and needs to take precidence, but instead moves herself to the backburner and waits patiently until I need her again. She is truely the most amazing friend a girl could ever ask for.
And as I was walking out of the hospital tonight, with the conversation of close friends still weighing heavily on my mind, I noticed a statue of a bronze angel. I'd walked past it four times before actually taking the time to notice it, but there it stood, steadfast, guarding and watching over all the patients, strong and steady just as my bronze-under-the-SoCal-sun best friend has never failed to do for me.
I love you Cassy Ann :)
Lurve,
Lace
late night adventures
So it is 1:30 am, and I should be fast asleep, but instead I am killing ants :(
Now let me just tell you how much of an adventure this has been. this morning i woke up and walked into my bathroom, only to find ants crawling up the wall. i then proceeded to grab the nearest can of something to spray them with (which happened to be lysol) and individually shot every single one of those suckers...at which point i began to realize that i could no longer breathe through the "summer breeze" scent, and had to finish getting ready for work in my roommates bathroom. (deep breath).
Thanks to my parents building their own house, I have excellent housekeeping skills, so there is absolutely no reason for my apartment to have any bugs at all. I keep it clean and do my dishes and all that jazz, so there shouldnt be a problem right??? Well obviously that is not correct. because tonight, when my roommate got home, we found the tile near the water closet coated in ants...and yet again i grabbed the lysol (less oppressive this time since it wasnt scented) and drowned all those little bugs in some glorious foamy bubbles. this prompted my roomie and i to take our half bag of trash across the complex to the dumpster.
now pay attention this is the good part.
as i'm rounding the corner of the brick thing surrounding the dumpster, i hear something moving. yes ladies and gentlemen, some sort of ferocious furry woodland creature was waiting to attack mein the unlit area right by the dumpster. not. cool. needless to say i was sooooo not okay with that, and being very startled, i screamed jumped and flung my half bag of trash at it...i know lacy, feed the thing some leftover chinese takeout! that's the brightest idea you've had all day. O.o
so this is me giving up for the night on my battle against nature. but be afraid little bugs, be very afraid, because as soon as home depot opens tomorrow, i will be investing in the most efficient way possible to destroy you. you have been warned.
Jusqu'à demain,
Lacy
Now let me just tell you how much of an adventure this has been. this morning i woke up and walked into my bathroom, only to find ants crawling up the wall. i then proceeded to grab the nearest can of something to spray them with (which happened to be lysol) and individually shot every single one of those suckers...at which point i began to realize that i could no longer breathe through the "summer breeze" scent, and had to finish getting ready for work in my roommates bathroom. (deep breath).
Thanks to my parents building their own house, I have excellent housekeeping skills, so there is absolutely no reason for my apartment to have any bugs at all. I keep it clean and do my dishes and all that jazz, so there shouldnt be a problem right??? Well obviously that is not correct. because tonight, when my roommate got home, we found the tile near the water closet coated in ants...and yet again i grabbed the lysol (less oppressive this time since it wasnt scented) and drowned all those little bugs in some glorious foamy bubbles. this prompted my roomie and i to take our half bag of trash across the complex to the dumpster.
now pay attention this is the good part.
as i'm rounding the corner of the brick thing surrounding the dumpster, i hear something moving. yes ladies and gentlemen, some sort of ferocious furry woodland creature was waiting to attack mein the unlit area right by the dumpster. not. cool. needless to say i was sooooo not okay with that, and being very startled, i screamed jumped and flung my half bag of trash at it...i know lacy, feed the thing some leftover chinese takeout! that's the brightest idea you've had all day. O.o
so this is me giving up for the night on my battle against nature. but be afraid little bugs, be very afraid, because as soon as home depot opens tomorrow, i will be investing in the most efficient way possible to destroy you. you have been warned.
Jusqu'à demain,
Lacy
Monday, July 2, 2012
So, last night...
My nights generally consist of a whole lot of nothing. In my mind it goes something like this...make dinner, do laundry, hang out with friends, catch my favorite TV show, read a little, and go to bed. This is wayyyy more productive than it actually sounds, considering making dinner consists of throwing some ramen in a pan, doing laundry means staring at the big pile in the corner of the room, adding to it, and deciding "yeah, I'll get to that later," my favorite TV show happens to be on Netflix, so I spend a couple hours on there, read everyone's facebook posts, and then there's the hanging out with my friends...
well my best friends in the whole world happen to live in different states, so our "hanging out" is only made possible via skype (whoever's idea that was, you deserve a Nobel peace prize! Gracias.)
So last night, I am having one of my not-so-uncommon visits with Blake, my insanely retarded best-guy-friend from Louisana. and as he usually does, he was being super mean and decided to tease me about being a nerd (hello, you are the one who chose to be my best friend, don't tell me you don't enjoy all this nerdyness!!) So, I decided to retaliate and air his dirty laundry (don't worry dear, you can add it to the giant pile in the corner of my room:)
I suppose you would like some history,
Blake and I met when we were fifteen, on a mission trip in Mobile, AL. and the very first thing he ever did was yell at me. That's right, his first instict when he saw a pretty girl was to yell at her and tell her to get back to her room. I on one hand was extremely confused, because I had never seen this boy in my life and he had just called me by name. Mind you it was dark outside and there was a lot of loud music. My initial thought was "who is this idiot?" Come to find out, he thought I was my younger sister, who he had met earlier that day. So naturally, this would lead to us dating for nearly two years, and being the absolute best of friends for a lifetime after that. Crazy, huh? I thought so too, until the other day.
You see, Blake and I have most certainly had our ups and downs. A few weeks ago, we got into an enormous argument that had both of us, and our third best friend, Cassy (more to come on her in the near future) up till five in the morning, talking about all the ways we had failed each other as friends. At one point in that argument, we were both ready to just give up on trying to maintain any sort of contact, or involvement at all in each other's lives. But, you know how things can be when your emotions are heightened. But, shortly after that, he called, needing to confide in someone about some tough stuff.
I realized, by my lack of hesitation to answer, and by the mere fact that out of everyont he chose to call me, that sometimes God puts people in your life for a reason. When he gives you someone, he thinks you need, there is really no kicking them out of your life, or running out of theirs. It's not often that you find a friend who truly just knows you. Every once in a while, you come across a person who gets it. Who knows youre about to break before you even say anything. Someone who can pick you back up, help you glue all the pieces back together and put a smile on your face in the process. Every now and then, he allows you to be that person for someone else. I am blessed to have a handful of these people in my life.
So there, dirty laundry aired...Blake Moss is not the idot he initially comes across as. He really is just a big ole loveable teddy bear ;) and I am lucky to have him, despite his quirks, and the fact that he is a boy and they are nearly impossible to handle. Don't let it go to your head dear.
Love and Joy,
Lacy
well my best friends in the whole world happen to live in different states, so our "hanging out" is only made possible via skype (whoever's idea that was, you deserve a Nobel peace prize! Gracias.)
So last night, I am having one of my not-so-uncommon visits with Blake, my insanely retarded best-guy-friend from Louisana. and as he usually does, he was being super mean and decided to tease me about being a nerd (hello, you are the one who chose to be my best friend, don't tell me you don't enjoy all this nerdyness!!) So, I decided to retaliate and air his dirty laundry (don't worry dear, you can add it to the giant pile in the corner of my room:)
I suppose you would like some history,
Blake and I met when we were fifteen, on a mission trip in Mobile, AL. and the very first thing he ever did was yell at me. That's right, his first instict when he saw a pretty girl was to yell at her and tell her to get back to her room. I on one hand was extremely confused, because I had never seen this boy in my life and he had just called me by name. Mind you it was dark outside and there was a lot of loud music. My initial thought was "who is this idiot?" Come to find out, he thought I was my younger sister, who he had met earlier that day. So naturally, this would lead to us dating for nearly two years, and being the absolute best of friends for a lifetime after that. Crazy, huh? I thought so too, until the other day.
You see, Blake and I have most certainly had our ups and downs. A few weeks ago, we got into an enormous argument that had both of us, and our third best friend, Cassy (more to come on her in the near future) up till five in the morning, talking about all the ways we had failed each other as friends. At one point in that argument, we were both ready to just give up on trying to maintain any sort of contact, or involvement at all in each other's lives. But, you know how things can be when your emotions are heightened. But, shortly after that, he called, needing to confide in someone about some tough stuff.
I realized, by my lack of hesitation to answer, and by the mere fact that out of everyont he chose to call me, that sometimes God puts people in your life for a reason. When he gives you someone, he thinks you need, there is really no kicking them out of your life, or running out of theirs. It's not often that you find a friend who truly just knows you. Every once in a while, you come across a person who gets it. Who knows youre about to break before you even say anything. Someone who can pick you back up, help you glue all the pieces back together and put a smile on your face in the process. Every now and then, he allows you to be that person for someone else. I am blessed to have a handful of these people in my life.
So there, dirty laundry aired...Blake Moss is not the idot he initially comes across as. He really is just a big ole loveable teddy bear ;) and I am lucky to have him, despite his quirks, and the fact that he is a boy and they are nearly impossible to handle. Don't let it go to your head dear.
Love and Joy,
Lacy
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